I got this email in my inbox last night from the always fabulous Michelle (aka The Fat Nutritionist), and, with her permission, I am sharing it with you. At the end of the list is a little promo for Michelle's Eat Without Drama groups, which I've heard are utterly fabulous. It's not a substitute for professional treatment, but I think they could be useful to some of my readers.

Sometimes recovery means accepting that you do, indeed, have an inner toddler. A whiny, cranky inner toddler who never wants to listen. They are loud and a pain in the ass. They generally have a point. The key is to listen without letting them run the show.

What I've been struggling with the last few days is a nasty case of the "I don't wannas." Mostly, this has to do with food. I don't want to fix a proper breakfast, not because I want to restrict or lose weight or anything ED related. It's just that some days, I feel I can't be arsed. So it's real tempted to just grab a protein bar or whatever and call it "breakfast" because it's a hella lot easier than hauling out bowls and cereal and granola and milk and measuring cups.

I know by now that not feeling like getting breakfast (or lunch or snack) is no excuse not to have lunch or snack. But things like long term planning and sensible behaviors don't pacify my inner toddler. She doesn't want to deal with dishes. Or waking up earlier. Or doing any of those things that grownups generally do.

It's helped me to stop always wanting to behave like I feel a grownup should. A significant proportion of my friends on Facebook are mothers (some of them even have toddlers!), and I can guarantee that their general maturity level isn't always higher than mine. We all have inner toddlers, and we all need to tame them.

Sometimes we feel like being obstinate, just because. Sometimes we lose our marbles for no particular reason--or reasons that are no doubt legit but seem like small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. With time and lots of practice, I've come to realize that this is no big deal. It happens to all of us. I've also learned (mostly) how to let these little fits pass, or simply indulge them in my head. After all, snark doesn't have to be vocalized to make me feel better. ;)

The problem is when these pitched fits start making our decisions and running the show. I can resent having to fix breakfast or, like today, burning the damn toast for lunch.* I can hate having to do dishes and clean the house. I can piss and moan to my heart's content. I also need to suck it up and take care of myself properly no matter how much of a pain it is.

It's something I learned in DBT while in treatment, that two opposite things can be simultaneously true. So I let myself get cranky and hate having to do food prep and so on. AND I can still recognize that it's important and do it.

And on that note, thankfully, I have leftovers for dinner!

*Same setting as I used yesterday, same bread and everything turned out fine. Today? Blackened to a crisp, smoke detectors going bonkers, big scene. Sigh.

It's once again time for your weekly Sunday Smorgasbord, where I trawl the web for the latest in ED-related news, research, and more, so you don't have to.

{{Sorry the post is late--I had trouble with the internet last night!}}

Your Family Tree Can Reveal Your Risk for Eating Disorders.

Body Image, Bullying & Eating Disorders In The Gay Community.

Moderators and mediators of remission in family-based treatment and adolescent focused therapy for anorexia nervosa.

Starving orangutans might help to better understand obesity and eating disorders in humans.

Wanting To Be Thin Doesn't Cause Anorexia But It's Still Damaging.

Recovery- What happens after Treatment.

Let this make your day– David Attenborough (of Planet Earth fame) reads "What a Wonderful World" to breathtaking scenes.

How A Blood Test Could Improve Your Chances Of Successfully Using Antidepressants.

Genetics of taste and smell: poisons and pleasures.

R.I. Hospital to study body image disorders.

The "War on Obesity" has some serious side effects.

More than 500,000 teenagers in the US suffer from severe eating disorders.

When alcohol and anxiety are a dangerous mix.

By how much will the proposed new DSM-5 criteria increase the prevalence of binge eating disorder?

Norway running out of butter as Scandinavian butter crisis spreads.

Molecular gastronomy- Western dishes combine foods with similar flavor compounds. Eastern dishes do not.

Depression and Binge Eating Linked in Teen Girls.

How the perception of your whole body is affected by the size of your body image.

So you know, how to navigate the online maze of health information.

New Study Finds Self-Criticism to be a Risk Factor for Bulimia in Adolescents.

It's once again time for your weekly Sunday Smorgasbord, where I trawl the web for the latest in ED-related news, research, and more, so you don't have to.

Study Challenges Decades-Old Treatment Guidelines for Anorexia.

Alliance-focused therapy for anorexia nervosa: Integrative relational and behavioral change treatments in a single-case experimental design.

Study shows that prevalence of ED's among American teen is higher than what was previously thought.

Dysregulation of brain reward systems in eating disorders: Neurochemical information from animal models of binge eating, bulimia nervosa, and anorexia nervosa.

In outpatient family-based treatment does rate of weight gain matter to anorexia outcome? Yes.

Empirical Classification of Eating Disorders.

Evidence-based treatment and therapist drift in eating disorder treatment.

Anorexia nervosa: a unified neurological perspective.

How Food Likes and Dislikes Affect Our Eating Behaviors.

Effects of an Internet-based intervention for subthreshold eating disorders: A randomized controlled trial.

iRat: Robotic Rat Offers New Tool for Neuroscience Research.

New Model for Childhood Eating Disorders.

CBT can increase cortical inhibition, which can be beneficial for pathological perfectionists.

Coping with the holidays when you have a mental illness.

A really good list of cognitive distortions.

Kathryn Schulz on how regret makes us better.

Eating disorder app 'Recovery Record' developed by Australian student and Stanford University.

New therapy for hard to cure eating disorders.

This Wednesday, I had a chance to practice being spontaneous. A friend from my now twice-weekly knit/crochet group texted me saying "Feeling knitty? Wanna meet at XX Deli for dinner and yarn?"

Wednesday is, of course, my Zumba class. I had been planning to go and shake my thang. But this girl had come to our newest group up near my place the night before, so I thought I should probably return the favor and drive down to hear get-together. So I rode my bike instead of shaking my bootie, and went to the deli.

It was really fun, but let me tell you, it stressed me out to no end. I had to navigate changes to my eating and my exercise routines (oh, the horrors!) on the same day with basically no warning.

I got to the deli--I had never heard of the place before, but apparently it's some sort of a chain--and had another freakout. The menu was huge. I had no idea what to pick. To make things even more interesting, they had a "Light 'N Healthy!" menu. Not ordering the so-called "healthy" or low-cal, low-fat items still stirs tremendous guilt and anxiety. I mean, what are the people behind the counter going to think of me when I order something from a different section?!? If one section of the menu is "healthy," then the other is (presumably) not healthy. Or less healthful. Or whatever.

I was anxious to begin with, and then I had to figure out what to order and all of a sudden, I found myself at the front of the line. So I ordered off the "Light 'N Healthy!" menu. I was literally like a deer in the headlights. I froze. The one little section of the menu at least narrowed down my choices to something manageable. By the time I got the sandwich, the side, and the free frozen yogurt (free froyo? Why yes, I think I will), it was probably equivalent to a "normal" dinner. The sandwich was pretty good, all things considered.

I have mixed feelings about how the evening went. On the whole, it was probably positive. I did something spontaneous. And social. I switched things up. The anxiety, however, was a pretty big sticking point. I know I shouldn't have ordered off the diet menu. That the decision (to go to the event, or what to order off the menu) shouldn't have sent me into panic mode.

I hate that things like this are still so stinking hard. I'm doing better, so much better, in a lot of ways. But having to make snap decisions and do things outside the norm still cause ridiculous amounts of anxiety.

This past September, I upgraded my Blackberry to an Android. I love my new phone. The one problem I have is that the battery loses juice really quickly. I Googled the problem, and I found some apps that can shut down the other apps not in use that are slowing down the processor and sucking the battery dry.

{{In fact, my phone just eeped at me that it needs to be plugged in.}}

I was aware, of course, that apps run even when you're not actually using them, but I didn't know how much power they sucked up. On days when I'm not using my phone a lot--it's rare, but it happens!--the apps running in the background don't really pose much of a problem. I just plug in my phone before I go to bed like usual and all is well. Most days, however, I use my phone for pretty much everything, especially since I found a free Sudoku app, which keeps me entertained on my nightly Adventures in Insomnia.

I've been pretty busy with things lately, mostly work and writing stuff. I'm chugging along on my book, I've been freelancing, I've been crocheting, doing the recovery stuff. If I were my phone, I would be in a period of almost constant usage. It makes the ED stuff painfully obvious because there's not much energy leftover.

The danger zone for me is when I'm bored or work is slower. It's when the ED stuff isn't as obvious. The background apps suck the same amount of energy regardless, but it's harder to recognize all the time and energy it's using. The same for the eating disorder. Thoughts and behaviors suck up the same amount of effort whether I'm busy or not. I'm better able to recognize and fight them when I know there's lots of stuff on the line because I know I don't have that extra energy to spare.

Too much spare time isn't my friend. My brain is always working, always thinking. If I'm not thinking about nerdy stuff or yarn stuff or other stuff, then my brain will find other things to think about. Things like food, weight, calories, and exercise. It's hard to balance, since being too busy ratchets up the stress level to the point where I find myself reaching for the volume knob that is the eating disorder to turn down some of the stress.

Like so many things in recovery, it's a balancing act.  But this knowledge is helpful--I know that letting myself get too bored is just as bad as getting too busy. For now, being busy is good for my recovery. Not to distract me from anxiety, depression, and all of that other crap, but to make it painfully obvious just how much the ED takes out of me.

This is a bit of a science writer Hail Mary, but I figured I have nothing to lose!

Have any of you out there been tested for interoception/interoceptive skills and have an ED or body image issue? Do you know anyone who has? The test could have been an informal thing in a psychology class or whatever--it doesn't necessarily have to be in a research setting. It's for an article I'm working on, and I've done one great interview on yoga and body image, but I'm looking specifically for something about interoception.

If you fit this criteria or think you can help, please email me ASAP at carrie@edbites.com

Thanks so much!

It's once again time for your weekly Sunday Smorgasbord, where I trawl the web for the latest in ED-related news, research, and more, so you don't have to.

Fascinating connection between thyroid & anorexia nervosa?

New book breaks the code of silence about ballet and eating disorders.

How Trauma Affects the Brain.

Interpreting Holiday Eating Advice with an Intuitive Eye.

To make grocery shopping a little less stressful (or at least more interesting): The sociology of shopping cart and express check-out line etiquette.

British Columbia eating disorder patients denied treatment. {{Some triggering photos and information...read with caution. I included the article because I think the issue is really important.}}


DSM-5 and ICD-11 Watch. Geeky blog for diagnostic manual watchers.

Because you know you need to see video of an emu and a wallaby on a treadmill.

Follow Your Doctor's Orders...And Pet Your Pooch: Never underestimate the power of puppies, or other four-legged friends.


Inpatient Eating Disorder Treatment Checklist for Parents.
 
The gene "for" nothing, or, almost everything.
 
“Skinny girls are not glamor girls.” Vintage weight gain ads – changing standards, changing markets…
 
Tips for balancing the battle with eating disorders and the holidays.
 
Image Tool Catches Fashion Industry Photo Alterations.
 
Gray matter in brain's control center linked to ability to process reward.
 
Different Moderators of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy on Subjective and Objective Binge Eating in Bulimia Nervosa and Binge Eating Disorder: A Three-Year Follow-Up Study.
 
Repeated gastric distension alters food intake and neuroendocrine profiles in rats.
 
Mealtime Support in Anorexia Nervosa: A Within-Subject Comparison Study of a Novel Vodcast Intervention.
 
How does the social environment 'get into the mind'? Epigenetics at the intersection of social and psychiatric epidemiology.
 
Automatic and Intentional Processing of Body Pictures in Binge Eating Disorder.
 
Efficacy trial of a selective prevention program targeting both eating disorder symptoms and unhealthy weight gain among female college students.
 
Eating Disorders Among a Community-based Sample of Chilean Female Adolescents.
 
The dual-pathway and cognitive-behavioural models of binge eating: prospective evaluation and comparison.