It's once again time for your weekly Sunday Smorgasbord, where I trawl the web for the latest in ED-related news, research, and more, so you don't have to.

The Darkside of Skimping. In difficult economic times, indulging ourselves might be a Good Thing.

MentorCONNECT Announces Collaboration with UCSD Eating Disorder Research Program.

Comorbidity of partial and subthreshold PTSD among men and women with eating disorders in the national comorbidity survey-replication study.


Interaction between visceral states (hunger, desire) & cognitive states (impulse behavior, self-control).

An Examination of the Ravello Profile - A Neuropsychological Test Battery for Anorexia Nervosa.


Study explains why 90% of dieters regain the weight.

The impact of adverse life events and the serotonin transporter gene promoter polymorphism on the development of eating disorder symptoms.


Found in the developing brain: Mental health risk genes and gender differences.

Increased plasticity of the bodily self in eating disorders.


Eating Disorders & Autism.

Weight suppression predicts time to remission from bulimia nervosa.


Study says 1 in 10 men are binge eaters--a serious disorder not just among women.

Neuroimaging in eating disorders.


Navigating the Search for True Maudsley Treatment.

Social appearance anxiety and bulimia nervosa.


Carer's experience and perceived effects of a skills based training programme for families of people with eating disorders.

Yeah, I know. An illustrated guide to depression? Comic strips don't generally cover things like, you know, depression.

But Allie over at Hyperbole and a Half did.  It's probably the most accurate representation of what it's actually like to be so depressed you can't quite get out of bed.

Apparently, you don't need an advanced psychology degree to help people understand mental illness. All you need is a computer doodle program.

{{If you don't read her blog, you should. It's pretty much epic.}}

So it's time for another Tip Day Tuesday. I didn't get any emails or requests from you guys (please write! My brain is frazzled!), so I came up with one of my strategies for riding out ED urges.

It's so simple, in fact, I can summarize it in one word: later.

So what do I mean by later? I mean that ED urges usually come in the form of now. Purge now. Exercise now. Take the pills now. Skip the meal now. For me, the ED behaviors help me regulate my emotions, especially anxiety and depression. Over the years, I've gotten used to low levels of anxiety and depression, so by the time I start getting urgey, my emotions are pretty much skyrocketing. This means that I want relief NOW. Not later--now.

Of course, the ED works, but only for a short time and only with a very high price tag. Therapists and my parents would probably like me to say that "ED is not an option," but that feels a little bit fake. After all, the ED really is an option. A crappy option, but it's an option. Unless I'm being physically restrained, the ED is an option. So that line of thinking is a no go for me.

What does help me is to think "later." The ED can be an option in an hour or several hours or tomorrow or whenever. For some reason, knowing I have an "out" is calming in and of itself. It lets me know that if I really, truly, utterly can't hack it, then the ED is there. So the ED is an option...just not right now. I need to try other coping skills first.

So I crochet or snuggle the cat or blog or call a friend or text my therapist or (let's face it) swallow a lorazepam and try to ride out the urge. If the urge is still there at the end of the hour/afternoon/evening/whatever, then I delay again.

What I tell myself is this: if using behaviors is really a good idea, it will still be a good idea after my time is up. Also, I should feel comfortable discussing my decision with my family and treatment team. Feeling the strange urge not to tell someone about my new miracle plan? That's the ED and I should probably delay and talk.

It's not foolproof, and it's probably not workable for everyone, but it does help me. The ED helps me get through a difficult moment, and the idea is ultimately to find something else to work in the meantime. I also use a lot of self-talk to remind myself of the downsides of ED and the benefits of sticking with recovery. I won't lie--it's hard work. Much harder than just giving in to the ED and acting out. But I can also hold my head high and look at myself in the eye in the morning when I actively choose recovery.

It's once again time for your weekly Sunday Smorgasbord, where I trawl the web for the latest in ED-related news, research, and more, so you don't have to.

The Dangers of "Drunkorexia" Among College Students.

Nice article on re-feeding and re-feeding syndrome in eating disorder recovery.

Have a child with an eating disorder? Maudsley Misconceptions: An Interview with Angela Celio Doyle, PhD.

PANDAS: Strep Throat Can Lead to OCD in Children.

An interesting roundtable discussion on insurance coverage for eating disorders.

When it comes to finding a good therapist, you may need to try, try again.
 
Check out the UCSD Eating Disorder Program's new research newsletter "Successful Recovery."
 
Two types of treatment are showing promise when it comes to helping those with eating disorders.
 
Eating disorders more common than diabetes in young children.
 
Creating an emotional safety plan.
 
Do we have a set point for exercise?
 
Study Offers Clues to Emotional Eating.
 
The Agreeable Power of Sugar. People who eat a lot of sweets are perceived as more agreeable. Are they?
 
OCD, bipolar, schizophrenia and the misuse of mental health terms.

Inner experience in bulimia nervosa.

Low GABA Levels Hinder Teens from Experiencing Pleasure.

Tips for Reading Scientific Research Reports.

My metabolism has once again gone completely bonkers. After I first increased my eating after being sick, my weight dropped again (less than a pound, but still...it really needed to start going in the other direction), which meant an even larger food increase.  This sent everything into an upwards spiral. I'm eating insane amounts of food right now, and it's really frustrating because I'm not sleeping well, I'm having hot flashes left and right, and I'm just really sick of stuffing my face.

BUT...

My other freelance writing job is for an ALS clinic. ALS, for those of you who aren't familiar with it, is amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease in the US and Canada. ALS is uniformly fatal. No cures exist, and neither do any real treatments. It generally kills in 2-5 years after diagnosis. Your motor neurons die, which means your muscles are paralyzed. You can't swallow your food, hold a pen, or even talk as the disease progresses. You can't breathe properly, which is the frequent cause of death. You basically suffocate. It's one of the few diseases that can almost make an eating disorder seem cheery.

I have days when I get done with my work, and I want to order a vodka and Prozac, shaken not stirred.

My job provides some pretty good income, but it provides something just as important but much less tangible. It gives me a really good dose of perspective.

See, when I was younger, my mom used to try and make me feel better by reminding me of all the people who had it worse than I did. No doubt it's true, but I interpreted her statements as the equivalent of "Stop being such a big baby about this!" It's why I don't like to compare my situation with others, because it makes me feel that I'm just being a big baby and I need to buck up and deal with it.

I'm older now, and I'm better able to appreciate subtleties. I can see that an appreciation that other people have it worse than me doesn't have to mean that my situation is a piece of cake, either.  I can have a good whinge on my blog about all that damn food and the stinking hot flashes while simultaneously realizing that it could be worse. I hate when people point this out to me, because it feels so tremendously invalidating--again, like I have no right to my pain or feelings. This doesn't mean that it's not important to get this perspective and to develop ways of viewing the world where I can acknowledge my own struggles and also keep them in perspective.

It's a hard balance to keep. I'm not always good at keeping that balance. Most of the time, I'm sick of my own whining. I find myself jealous of the strangest people, just because their life seems to suck less. I also feel that I have no right to complain since I feel I'm doing this to myself.

In the end, both me and the ALS patients I write about have shitty illnesses. We all struggle to make it through the day. I'm lucky. Recovery is a possibility for me. For lots of other people with lots of other illnesses, it's not. So yes: acknowledge the suckitude and then take a deep breath and do what you can with what you've got.

I found this song by the Gabe Dixon Band yesterday, and it really spoke to me.



Link to the lyrics is here.

Music really helps ground and soothe me. Do you have some favorite recovery songs? Please share in the comments!

{{or, how to start a fire with bacon grease and a brown bag from Whole Foods...}}

So I have returned safely from my weekend frolicking with darling woodland creatures. I've not done much camping in my life. It wasn't part of my family culture, and I'm generally walking bug bait (an overnight in college left me with 50 mosquito bites on my legs alone, and I was too depressed after that to keep going), which makes the situation less than pleasant.

Friday afternoon was rainy, but the weather cleared around dinner time, so my best friend L and I decided to venture out into the wilds of Maryland. We got a later start than we had hoped, and it was pretty dark by the time we arrived. We set up the tent by the headlights of my car, and then bought some crates of firewood from the camp host. He said it was "kinda damp," but we were pretty much out of options at that point, not to mention we were hungry and it was late. L had some firestarter thingies, and I was a chemistry major in college, which makes me an honorary pyromaniac, so we figured we would be okay.

Ha. Hahahaha.

No amount of firestarters or leaves and twigs or lit napkins from my glovebox or even L's notebook paper would make the fire catch. I don't think I had ever wished for an arsonist friend before, but I was definitely wishing for one that night! By this point it was around 10pm, so we eventually decided to get dinner that didn't need to be cooked. I had several doughnuts and a giant can of baked beans. I hereby apologize to the state of Maryland for the several metric tons of methane that resulted from my dinner. L can thank me for the impromptu bear repellant.

Saturday morning dawned bright and early, but the damn fire still wouldn't start. L brought super-duper gourmet bacon from Whole Foods for our breakfast, and there was no way we were going to let that go to waste. So we went to the grocery store for some fake firewood and accelerant, looking like pyros with a serious grudge. I seriously debated adding a box of tampons to our loot just to see the reaction on the clerk's face.

The faux wood lit just fine, and we placed some of our sopping logs on top to dry them out. Then we fried our bacon and it was so yummy. The logs weren't lighting all that well, even with a generous squirt of accelerant, so we doused a brown paper bag with the bacon grease and tossed it in the fire. The porky magic did the trick, and from then on out, we had fire.

Aside from the fire fiasco, the weekend was wonderful. My cell phone had basically died by the time we got there, so I switched it off to save any remaining juice for an emergency. Nearly 36 hours with no emails, no phone calls, no texts, nothing. Just me and L. We sat and talked. We did crosswords and crochet and Bananagrams. We sang songs by the campfire. We made smores and banana boats (banana split down the middle and filled with chocolate chips and marshmallows, wrapped in foil, and placed on the hot coals).

It was exactly the break I needed. Not just a break from the stress of my job and all that, but it also ended up being a break from the ED stuff. It was an adventure in intuitive eating. I had hot chocolate and doughnuts and lots of other things that are either rare or off limits for me. I spent much more time in the moment because I couldn't fix anything I was worrying about, so what's the point.

L and I have already made plans for another trip next spring. Only this time, we'll come armed with faux wood.

Seeing as I will be away this weekend, I've selected several of my favorite posts from the archives to tide you over until I return.

Many of the recovery stories I read when I was first diagnosed with anorexia usually featured an epiphany for the now-healthy person. Usually, it went something like: "I saw a photo of myself and saw how bad I looked. I realized I was killing myself. So I started eating again."


If only...

My problem wasn't that I didn't know the damage I was doing--I could recognize it on a cognitive level, even if it didn't always have the same emotional impact--it was that I didn't really care. So my treatment stays came and went, and I went through the motions, but I was waiting for that Come to Jesus moment when everything would click and I could move forward with recovery. I said many of the Right Things, those profound statements that therapists just totally eat up- "I'm recovering for myself now!" "I'm listening to my body!" "Anorexia really isn't about food!" And so on. Part of me wanted to believe them, and a part of me probably did, but I was completely and utterly full of crap. In reality, I was still waiting for the lightbulb moment, that hallowed clarity, to see the meaning behind my behaviors and start the meaningful work of recovery.

Needless to say, I've never had an epiphany. My thinking has evolved over the years, sure, and I've certainly have some realizations, but no holy-crap-anorexia--is-stupid moments. Those moments are nice, and I'm not saying they aren't important if they happen, but they're often not the basis of a lasting recovery. I realized that anorexia often created more problems that it solved quite a few years ago, but that never meant I couldn't still be scared to eat.

I've stopped waiting for these sudden jolts of clarity and understanding. Perhaps my most important revelation is that recovery is based in the dogged repetition of recovery behaviors and not any masterful realizations. For so long, these recovery behaviors felt awful. I wanted to crawl out of my skin- I would even rake my nails up and down my stomach and legs because the feeling was so intense. Talking about my feelings, asking for help, drinking the Ensure, none of this felt normal or natural, and it definitely didn't seem to help. I didn't understand what I was supposed to be working toward. What was recovery anyway? And if anorexia made me feel better, how freaking bad could it be?

But I am learning that recovery behaviors can become more natural, just like learning a foreign language. When I first started to speak Spanish, I no doubt sounded like a demented gringo. After several years, I couldn't exactly speak like a native, but I didn't sound like a little girl playing dress-up in someone else's language. I eat. Day in and day out. I try to relax. I try to get to sleep at a normal hour. I talk to friends. I blog. These have created my recovery much more so than any mind-blowing realization.

There are no recovery shortcuts, no miracle elixirs, just the healing tincture of time and practice.

Seeing as I will be absent this weekend, I've selected two favorite posts from the archives to tide you over until I return. Enjoy!

Though people have claimed to be "addicted" to darn near anything (herbal tea, Sudoku puzzles, hitting the snooze button, and cats are several of my non-addictions), it's pretty widely accepted that gambling is a bona fide addiction. And with any neurological talk of addiction, you pretty much have to talk about dopamine (a good if slightly technical explanation is here). Performing your addictive behaviors, or even just anticipating getting a "hit" later on, releases dopamine in your brain, which makes you feel good. So you do the behavior more, although less dopamine is released as your brain and body begin to tolerate what you're addicted to. So you increase the amount you use, and the cycle is off and running.

I have no doubt that addiction and dopamine are closely linked, and that there are also links between eating disorders and dopamine*. But new research from Natasha Schull at MIT found that people addicted to gambling aren't motivated by the "hook" of a possible big win. That may have drawn them into the habit to begin with, Schull said, but it's not what keeps them going. What keeps them going is their entrance into what Schull calls "The Zone." The zone is

a dissociative state or trance in which players lose a sense of time, space and physical embodiment, consumed totally by the spinning numbers, symbols or electronic card hands before their eyes. Because gambling machines don't require social interaction (as is the case in table games such as poker), they let people get into and stay in a state that is not dissimilar to, but far more intense than, watching TV; players describe the zone as a compelling, mesmerizing condition of intense concentration -- an almost out-of-body experience. Heavy machine gamblers come to crave this state, says Schull.

"It's about wanting to keep playing," she says. "People will actually get disappointed or irritated if they win a jackpot because it may freeze up the machine and interrupt their flow. Then they have to sit there until they lose it. Walking away with the jackpot is not an option" in their state of mind.

I've played one slot machine in my life- a nickel machine, and I put one nickel in, got nine back, and quit while I was ahead- but I am very familiar with the zone. That, to me, was one of the biggest draws of the eating disorder. I've been around the block enough times to know that losing weight won't make me happy and make me into a different person. I know that not eating will make me feel physically terrible in the long run. I know there will never be a magic weight that will finally make me feel "thin" and okay and good enough and relieved.

But damn don't I miss that zone. The blinding haze of starvation. The single-minded focus of exercising until I wanted to drop. The obsession with food. It distanced me from the world. I was interviewing for jobs several years ago and wound up the last of my friends without a permanent position. After getting turned down for a position yet again, I just thought "I've lost X lbs in the week since I last spoke with you- oh well about the job." It's partly a self-esteem thing (at least I'm good at losing weight), but the other part is the zone.

I almost feel half-dissociated when I'm in the throes of the eating disorder because my connection with reality is blunted at best and gone at worst. All that matters is eating less and exercising more. All that matters is making that number on the scale go down. So the normal, day-to-day stresses kind of fade into background noise.

Eating would wrench me out of the zone, back into the dark, noisy, smoke-filled casino that is my life. This was why I couldn't stop starving even after I reached my initial "goal weight." The zone was what mattered. If I couldn't be in the zone, then my brain tried to find any way in the book to get back there, even just a little bit. No slot machine in a casino? Well, maybe there's one in Safeway, or at the gas station, or on the internet. Maybe I can shove my snack into my pocket or lie about that bowl of cereal I ate for breakfast.

Maybe the zone is nice, even nicer than reality at times. But if all you see of life is the inside of a casino, you're missing out on a lot.

*Yes, I do have to bring everything back to eating disorders if for no other reason than I'm assuming that's why you're reading.

So I've completed my work requirements for the day, and now my friend and I are going camping for a few nights. There will be lots of smores and yarn and all that but I will also be completely without Internet for several days.

I know. I must be nuts.

Nonetheless, I think it will be fun and good for me to get away from things.

I dug up a few posts from my archives to keep you entertained while I am away. You should have your smorgasbord as usual on Sunday, assuming all goes according to plan.

Have a wonderful weekend!

I am once again on the road for my freelance job (meeting to go to this morning- I left my place last night, spent the night in a nice hotel with crap Internet access), which means facing the task of eating on the road. I knew that I would need to eat dinner at about the halfway point of my 4.5 hour drive, seeing as I left at 5pm. I had found a craft store to pick up some yarn at the halfway point (I feel ridiculously oblique writing this, but I'm really paranoid about privacy since I use my real name), seeing as the store by me was all out of the one color that I needed, so I figured I would eat after I got my yarn.

Which I did.

I was going to go to Panera, since it's a pretty "safe" choice AND one where I know I could meet my meal plan requirements without flipping out. But en route from the craft store to Panera, I saw the sign that Moe's Southwestern Grille had recently opened. We have a Moe's by me, and it's a favorite of mine and my parents.

I have my "usual" that I get when I go. It started as a way to use a coupon or some other deal, and I really liked it, so I kept ordering it.  It's pretty much my default when I go. I don't go to Panera that much, so I didn't have a default decision.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that one of the reasons I really wanted to go to Moe's was because there was a default. I didn't have to decide and calculate calories and things like that. I could just order and pretend I was sort of human instead of agonizing over the menu for half an hour and then spend the next little bit filled with gut-gnawing doubt that I had ordered the "right" thing.

It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have an eating disorder, exactly how hard restaurants and ordering can be. I don't really have food fears anymore. I'm a little wary at the idea that I don't always know exactly what's in my food, but generally I'm over that. I can deal with it just fine, even if it isn't my favorite idea. For me, the anxiety is over having to decide what to eat from a vast array of options. I find it totally overwhelming.

So that's why I wanted to head to Moe's with my "usual."

Don't get me wrong- I loved my dinner and am glad I ate there over Panera, all other things being equal. But it made my life so much easier to just order without looking at the menu and second-guessing myself. I am that much of a creature of habit. I didn't even think to order anything else. And it was nice to be on my own and eat a complete restaurant meal by myself and not have a total breakdown.

Maybe that's part of the function of "safe foods." It's not just that they're generally lower calorie or whatever, it's also that they help limit our choices when things get overwhelming. Options are a good thing--really, they are--and I'm definitely glad that I've tackled my fear foods. But it also helps for me to have something to order when I can't make up my mind, too. That I can default to XYZ and meet my nutritional needs and also find a pressure release valve for my anxiety.

Does that make any sense? Do any of you do this, too? Please share in the comments, but also try to be mindful not to be too specific about foods and calories lest things get competitive or triggering. I want my blog to be a safe place!

One of the joys of being mom to a cat are the laughs that she brings into my everyday life. It's also caused me to reevaluate objects and their purpose. Now, the universe contains two different types of things: Cat Toys and Not Cat Toys.

I ordered a copy of the book Eating Disorders and the Brain, which came in a lovely cardboard box that was perfect for a kitty. {{Aria will be sending Bryan Lask a thank you card shortly.}}

Or so it seemed.

I had tossed some papers and such into the box to bring upstairs, which made the box a bit too small for Aria.  No matter how hard she tried, or which way she attempted to wedge herself in the box, she just couldn't fit. And she gave me this exasperated look...

So of course my response was to grab my phone and get some documentaion.  My mom also found the photos hysterical, and so I began to invent a dialogue of what was obviously going on in the poor dear's head:

I totally fit in this size box last year. I know I did. Damn vanity sizing. A size four box isn't a size four anymore. Maybe if I just suck in my gut...a little more...and inhale...and...wait, don't I have some Spanx? I don't look like I did before I had kittens. Maybe I need a tummy tuck.

But then, didn't I see in Good Mousekeeping a way to lose 10 pounds in 10 days? You know, so you could fit in your skinny box by Christmas? Simple swaps, the article said. Like put your tuna in a smaller bowl so it looks like you have more. Switch to low fat cheddar, and always always order your gravy on the side. The stuff is loaded with calories, I hear. And the size of the mice they serve these days...they're like twice the size of the ones I caught when I was a little girl. Factory farming and hormones...

Maybe if I get the box in another style or another brand.  Okay...one last inhale...and...I...think...I...can...zip...these...up...

Does this box make my butt look fat?

It's once again time for your weekly Sunday Smorgasbord, where I trawl the web for the latest in ED-related news, research, and more, so you don't have to.

Apparently, not all artificial sweeteners are created equal.

Free exercises that use expressive writing, mindfulness, and the arts to assist in recovery process.

Cognitive Distortions That Contribute To Negative Body Image & Eating Disorders.

8 Keys To Recovering From An Eating Disorder.

Eating disorders and major depression: role of anger and personality.

Reward and penalty processing is widespread in the human brain.

Childhood eating disorders: British national surveillance study.

10 ways to boost endorphin levels naturally and healthily during ED recovery.

Selflessness Gone Awry, and the Damage It Can Cause.

Self-loathing explained: depressed brains may be wired to re-route feelings of hatred inward.

Male Eating Disorder Patients With and Without Non-suicidal Self-injury: A Comparison of Psychopathological and Personality Features.

Listen to an interview with Harriet Brown about her book Brave Girl Eating.

Understanding the neural circuitry of appetitive regulation in eating disorders.

Asylum – a haunting photographic tour of abandoned 19th-century mental hospitals.

Chicago author examines history, psychology behind shoplifting.

Brain type 1 cannabinoid receptor availability in patients with anorexia and bulimia nervosa.

Disordered eating behaviour is associated with blunted cortisol and cardiovascular reactions to acute psychological stress.

Grey matter abnormalities within cortico-limbic-striatal circuits in acute and weight-restored anorexia nervosa patients.

Therapeutic alliance and family-based treatment for adolescents with anorexia nervosa.

Increased neural processing of rewarding and aversive food stimuli in recovered anorexia nervosa.

Altered temporal difference learning in bulimia nervosa.

You'd think I would know better than to write manifestos like that. Because just a few hours after I clicked "publish," I got sick. Again. Worse than before.

If I moved at all, I would get so horribly dizzy that I would throw up. Which I did, several times. All over my bed. Because I couldn't figure out which way was up nor could I move without making things worse.

So yeah. Vomit + bedspread = klassy with a "k". If there had been cigarette butts and empty liquor bottles and mega-eyeliner, I might have been able to pretend being some sort of has-been rock star who just trashed a hotel room, but alas. Just a laptop and a cat (both thankfully spared the trauma of a bath).

After 12 hours of this never-ending fun, I finally managed to sleep off the worst of it. My stomach was still dodgy, but I could get some food down (toast, Gatorade, chicken soup, bagel). This morning I felt like I had been chewed up and spit out, but I was back to normal except for a headache and a bad attitude. Come to think of it...that's pretty much normal for me. ;)

Food-wise I'm mostly back to normal. I'm still sticking to very bland foods, but I'm adjusting to actually having food in my system again. And I enjoyed several cups of coffee today, trying to make up for the lack of caffeine yesterday.

This is just getting old. Being sick, the stomach stuff, the ED stuff, all of it. I don't think I'm out of line to be feeling seriously frustrated...am I?

Between my stressful week at work and then food poisoning, my weight has dropped some. I suppose I wasn't that shocked to hear it- even with just the illness, my eating hadn't been optimal for several days. I was, however, a little startled at how much (my therapist was rather cryptic, saying "more than a few." I have my guess at what that means, but still).

I suppose I could launch into a rehash of the potential reasons why. I could have pushed myself to try and eat more while sick. I could have been more careful while at my work conference. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. I'm not trying to wash my hands of my responsibility in what happened, nor am I trying to take on responsibility where none existed (though I am kicking myself for eating that damn hot dog that most likely got me sick).

I tried adding a little bit more to my normal meal plan, but that didn't do much. In fact, my weight dropped slightly more because my metabolism kicked in again. This led to a very frank discussion about What I Was Going To Do About This.

The difference--the massive, can't-be-overstated difference--was that I was able to fully participate in this discussion and follow through with what I promised. I don't like much of what I'm doing- Ensure Plus can go suck it, thank you very much. Ditto for the extra snack. Again, that's not the point.

I don't need to want to do this. I do, however, need to be willing.

Frankly, I do think my therapist is being just a tad alarmist about a single-digit weight loss. I didn't feel that I had lost weight. I'm not keen on going back to the chugging of the Ensure and the metabolic shift that once again leaves me burning through massive calories just watching TV.

But I could see it as necessary. I know enough that every relapse starts with "just a little" weight loss, however inadvertent (or, well, not) it might be. I know that good intentions don't save you. I know that promising to eat more is a long way from actually eating more. I know that recovery can be really f*cking inconvenient and you still have to do it anyway because an eating disorder is even more f*cking inconvenient.

So in the past few days, I have been eating foods I haven't touched for years: hot chocolate, Pop Tarts (not exactly a nutritional powerhouse, but sometimes it really is just about the calories), chips. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It helps that I know my metabolism is fierce at the moment and can "handle" the extra/sloppy intake. We'll see whether my weight changes this week. If it doesn't, well, we'll deal with that, too.

It's once again time for your weekly Sunday Smorgasbord, where I trawl the web for the latest in ED-related news, research, and more, so you don't have to.

Breaking the silence: Eating disorders in black women.

Eating Disorders Coalition News and Information: What is the FREED Act?

Emotional inhibition helps to maintain AN.

Compulsivity predicts fronto-striatal activation in severely anorectic individuals.

Eating disorder symptoms among college students: prevalence, persistence, correlates, and treatment-seeking.

Enjoy your food and feel fuller, satisfied: An Upside to Indulgence.

Teaching recovery, rather than treating addiction.

Similar Behaviors Found in Women with Food and Substance Issues.

Calorie Counts in the Dining Hall: Harmful or Helpful?

Weight Stigma Awareness Week: What You Need To Know.

A fine-grained analysis of eating behavior in women with bulimia nervosa..

Bringing order to chaos: Professor Chris Fairburn.

Eating Disorders And The Executive Woman.

Brain-derived Neurotrophic Factor, Food Intake Regulation, and Obesity.

Women's Clothing Sizes: Is a 4 Really a 4?

The clinical utility of personality subtypes in patients with anorexia nervosa.
Pressure to lose weight in the form of weight stigma creates more problems--it's not a motivating impact, says study.

Everybody Thinks They're Typical – how our self-perception skews our perception of our peers.

Moral disgust carries foul flavour, researchers say.

First time evidence links over interpretation of social situations to borderline personality disorder.

Brain Bugs – a fascinating look at the glorious imperfections of your brain.