Jinxing myself?

You'd think I would know better than to write manifestos like that. Because just a few hours after I clicked "publish," I got sick. Again. Worse than before.

If I moved at all, I would get so horribly dizzy that I would throw up. Which I did, several times. All over my bed. Because I couldn't figure out which way was up nor could I move without making things worse.

So yeah. Vomit + bedspread = klassy with a "k". If there had been cigarette butts and empty liquor bottles and mega-eyeliner, I might have been able to pretend being some sort of has-been rock star who just trashed a hotel room, but alas. Just a laptop and a cat (both thankfully spared the trauma of a bath).

After 12 hours of this never-ending fun, I finally managed to sleep off the worst of it. My stomach was still dodgy, but I could get some food down (toast, Gatorade, chicken soup, bagel). This morning I felt like I had been chewed up and spit out, but I was back to normal except for a headache and a bad attitude. Come to think of it...that's pretty much normal for me. ;)

Food-wise I'm mostly back to normal. I'm still sticking to very bland foods, but I'm adjusting to actually having food in my system again. And I enjoyed several cups of coffee today, trying to make up for the lack of caffeine yesterday.

This is just getting old. Being sick, the stomach stuff, the ED stuff, all of it. I don't think I'm out of line to be feeling seriously frustrated...am I?

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12 comments:

hm said...

Not at all... fuck the world, fuck being sick, fuck eds, and fuck food. I'll have a bad attitude w/you. Sometimes there's nothing better.

Cathy (UK) said...

Horrible - all of it...

Take good care of yourself Carrie... xx

Katie said...

Nope, you're not out of line at all, it's a pain in the ass. When I moved away from home and shared a house with two young doctors last year I caught all their hospital bugs - five stomach viruses in a row! I came very close to relapsing/punching them in the head despite it not really being their fault. My immune system is much stronger now for some reason ;)

Anyway, it IS a bitch and you are entitled to be frustrated. However, as you know, the radical acceptance of your last post means allowing for the fact that the situation sucks, but also accepting that there's nothing you can do to change it and no point in wasting time and energy getting frustrated. I love and hate radical acceptance because when I CAN do it it really helps, but other times it just frustrates me more, because I'm not awesome enough to let things go like that. Hopefully this is one of those things that you can accept and move on from :)

Charlotte UK said...

Carrie

Yuk yuk yuk. Grumble, moan, complain and rail at the gods because it is NOT FAIR. However, please do not let ed take advantage of your illness. Keep eating. Keep fighting. We are all here willing you.

xx

AJ said...

definitely not out of line!

grumble all you want but keep taking care of yourself xx

K said...

Carrie,

First - I just want to thank you so much for writing this blog. I just found it last week, but it has been so helpful to me.

Not only is it well-written, but it's just really smart and honest; thank you.

I'm also in recovery and have been struggling with stomach crap for a bit now. It's such a challenge and really throws a kink in everything.

Thank you again,
K

asiamorela said...

Aaargh... Poor you. :( I'm due to write a paper for university ASAP and ironically, I got sick yesterday as well (from ONE beer? yeah, no kidding). Woke up and puked, basically. Reminded me of the days when I would puke after binging, which was, er, disturbing... I'm over that, I'm over that, I'm over that, I keep telling myself. But I just hate puking.

Hope you get better soon!

scottrecovered said...

:( Feel better soon <3

Emily said...

Oh, I don't blame for being totally frustrated at all! I completely feel your pain and wish that I could take some of the discomfort away. One day..one bland food at a time..you can do it!

I also wanted to let you know that I started a blog. I figured it would be good to write stuff down and get support from others while I'm trying to recover.
http://nomatterwhatmysize.blogspot.com/

-Emily

Jessie said...

Not at all. You have every right to tell the world to screw itself. I have several times.
Take care of yourself Carrie. I know you can recover!

Angela E. Gambrel said...

No, you're not out of line. I think all of us get sick of being sick, sick of ED, sick of life....it's tiring.

Hang in there and feel better soon!

[[[Hugs]]]

Carrie Arnold said...

Thanks for all your support!

Katie, I find that letting myself wallow in the frustration for a very short period of time is also useful, because it's much easier for me to move on.

Speaking of which...it's time for lunch!

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About Me

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I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.

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Have any questions or comments about this blog? Feel free to email me at carrie@edbites.com



nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote



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