...and then the universe gives you the finger

I got home from group therapy tonight (which was really great- I will fill you in tomorrow) only to find that it looks like I won't be able to close on my condo.


The building (not necessarily my unit, but the building itself) had some Chinese drywall in it.  My unit didn't appear to have any of this, but without ripping everything out, there's no way to prove that it didn't.  And Freddie and Fannie won't give mortgages to places that might have Chinese drywall.  Since there's no way to prove that my place doesn't have the drywall, the assumption is that it does.

Which leaves me without a place--assuming my real estate agent says what I think she's going to say, which is walk away now. 

I had hoped that, for once in my life, something could go according to plan.  That it would go like: girl finds house, girls gets mortgage to buy house, girl buys house.  Finances aren't my problem.  Finding a place isn't a problem.  Stupid, cheap-ass builders who imported toxic drywall is my problem.  I had hoped that this was a sign that my life was starting to come together.  My career is actually doing well.  I am starting to make real progress in recovery.  I was hoping to have my own place to go along with all of this.

It's one of those moments when I just want to write a note that says "Dear Universe, F*ck you, too.  Love, Carrie."

I realize the situation could be a lot worse.  I could be like the current owners who can't sell their place because it might have Chinese drywall.  I could have bought the place only to find out later that it had this problem.  I'm trying to remind myself of this.

And it still sucks.  I'm feeling more than a little sour.  I don't want to go through all of this again.  It sucks.  It's a pain.  But no amount of whinging is going to change that.

Sorry- it feels better to get this off my chest.


hm said...

Whinge away, if it makes you feel better. I just finished writing a dissertation (in email form) to a friend about putting pushpins in my dietitian's eyes and then pulling out her eyeballs and popping them like grapes. I now feel significantly better about the food I am told I must eat. Fuck her.

I know ultimately what she's saying is for my health. And of course you are cognizant of the potential benefits to you of your current situation. But meanwhile, you're right- fuck the universe.

JenP said...

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I've been going through so much crap with job searching these past few months. I started crying the other day, wailing to my husband that "wasn't everything supposed to get better with recovery?" But it is. And it will.

But in the meantime, whining is completely justified.

Sarah Owens said...

I have been feeling like this all stinking day...it sucks. It sucks when it impairs my recovery because I can't deal with things. On the other hand, its awesome to vent. So vent away and I hope your situation is improving. And thank you for being a positive resource for me!

Carrie Arnold said...

I think it's important for me to sort of emotionally vomit like this so I can sit back and be much more rational. This sucks and it could have been a lot worse. This doesn't mean my recovery efforts are for naught, because I haven't even thought of resorting to behaviors as a way to cope.


Your comment definitely made me giggle.

Cathy (UK) said...

I'm sorry to hear this Carrie - because I know you were really enthusiastic about the condo etc.

However, another way to look at is - thank goodness this potential problem has been spotted before you bought the place and moved in...

When I bought my current house nearly 8 years ago the surveyer acting for the mortgage lenders failed to spot a number of problems and as a consequence I have had to fork out £1,000s to remedy problems.

It's always worth paying for a really good survey....

Susan "Fingernail Fungus" Adams said...

That's one thing with an agent that to mingle with other kinds of personality.

Abby said...

Buying a home (condo, house, whatever) is a huge pain in the ass, but don't despair! It can take months and months to find the right place, and so many things can go wrong with whatever you try to buy. When my husband and I were looking for a house last year, we found the perfect place. Gorgeous, big fenced in yard for the dog, huge garage, etc. The day we put the offer in, the owner lost his job and took the house off the market. The second house we tried to buy was incredible! It was clearly someone's life work and was a maze of bizarre and awesome rooms with the basement staircase being carved from a tree and the branches holding up the first floor. There was even a carriage house and a separate workshop! It was being sold by four kids, one of whom didn't want to sell (but didn't want to pay his siblings for it) and he refused to agree to hook it up to the sewer or get the septic inspected, which means he wanted to sell it illegally so they didn't have to spend more money. After weeks of heartache we gave up and kept looking. The next house was adorable and so cozy, and then we noticed the ceiling was caving in the middle...
We were about ready to give up hope, after searching for four months and seeing every house in a 30 mile radius, but on a whim our Realtor took us to one more house. It was the perfect house and we put an offer on the next day - while camping in the White mountains! We almost didn't get it, since negotiating over a cell phone with limited coverage on a camp ground surrounded by bears is tricky... but in the end we got our home. I do wonder what the other houses could have been like, but this one was meant for us.

Don't give up hope :] you'll find your home soon and you'll look back at all the frustration and heartache and realize it was all just a big setup to bring you to the perfect place.

Abby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danielle said...

Ohh that does kinda suck/: But just know, you're not meant to be in that place. For whatever reason, the universe wants you out of there. So have fun, pick out a new place. I know it may not seem easy, but you really can't stay there.
Good luck!

hm said...

Seriously though (not that I wasn't serious about the pushpins... AND the grapes), to see you in a situation in which you are so utterly NOT in control, and then to hear you say,"I haven't even thought of resorting to behaviors as a way to cope"- that is so freaking cool. You do realize, Carrie, that you have the word "RECOVERY" in neon tube lights above your head, surrounded by little flashing lights, with a big flashing neon arrow pointing right at your head. You are paving the way. Remember that horrible poster from a while back? That would've sent ME into major restriction mode. It almost did, and it wasn't even ABOUT me! When people suck, when life sucks, recovery does not feel like a possible choice- but I can see by your choices that it is, indeed, possible. Keep staying the course. You ROCK.

Shells said...

AND, you had great group therapy, you have a real estate agent and the ability to find a place to live on your own, and the finances to take care of it, you are making real progress in your recovery, your career is doing well... Just thought I'd point out some of the good things...

On the other hand, go with inconsolable "EFF THE WORLD" if it's working for you right now. No need to fight it! When I figure out that's what I'm feeling and no amount of "it'll be okay" is going to make it any better (and the kind of "focus on the good stuff" that I just gave you makes me angrier, sorry, haha), it kind of feels good to just let the inconsolable take it's course.

"I'm inconsolable!!! Don't even try! Eff you, too!!" Generally comes with a foot stamp, except for right now because I have a stress fracture and that would just make things worse. Haha!

hm said...

WAIT... Did she post again??? I see you had to delete someone's comment. Grrrr. Wanna borrow my pushpins????!

marcella said...

sorry about the condo. You are right - it could have been worse, but there's nothing wrong with the use of the "f" word on such occasions. It does, for the moment, suck.

Carrie Arnold said...

Now the situation is at a "maybe." I've been back and forth with the banker, my real estate agent, the attorney who's helping with closing, etc. The one advantage to living in a small town is that everyone knows everyone else. And one of them (I forget who, at this point) called the builder who said the bad drywall was only used in one building (there are around twenty different little buildings in the complex), which has been identified and is in the process of being fixed. This is not the building that my condo is in.

So the builder is going to try and talk with the bank people and see if they will close considering my unit itself wasn't affected. My real estate agent isn't worried, and I trust her judgment on such things. She said she knows of another lender who will work me if the current situation falls through.

I've had several (much-needed) Ativan today. My stomach is in knots, and I do NOT feel like eating. I've pretty much had what I need, and definitely eaten as much as my stomach is up to. So that's good. I just want to go to bed until this thing is sorted!

hm said...

Deep breaths, Ensure, and a funny movie. You'll be ok. :)

Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I'm sorry about the condo. I know you were looking forward to it.
But I'm so proud of you for how you handled it. You vented and didn't take it out on yourself in anyway.
I know you will find a nice place of your own soon.

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I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.

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nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote


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