Although I'm currently having major body dysmorphia as I try to adjust to my new weight, one of the benefits of staying at this weight is that my metabolism has evened out. Hot flashes are a thing of the past. I'm not so raveneously hungry all the stinking time. I'm not quite as obsessed with food. And my body is no longer so exquisitely sensitive to my caloric intake that a minor (i.e., ~50 calorie) drop in intake will leave me almost unable to function.

However, starting the job at the bakery has dramatically altered my energy requirements. The first two weeks, pretty much nothing changed in terms of what my body needed to maintain my weight. This rather startled me, as I was preparing myself to need to eat more with being on my feet for so much of the day. But within the past week, I think my body has started to notice that I'm more active (even with cutting back on exercise a little bit!) and so the metabolism freak-out has returned.

Random hypoglycemia? I didn't miss you.

The strange thing is that my first clue wasn't so much increased hunger but increased insomnia. I wasn't specifically hungry, but my body was keyed up and restless. Considering the fact that I was drop-dead tired, I first thought it strange that I was having trouble sleeping. Maybe it was caffeine--after therapy, my mom and I went to dinner, and I had two glasses of Diet Dr Pepper. This may have played a role, but in reality, my body was telling me that I wasn't eating enough.

One of the useful aspects of this change is that I first noticed the shift not through increased hunger, but through difficulties sleeping. The hunger did follow, yes, but I now know that I need to watch my sleep patterns closely. It's a very useful piece of information, and I've gotten much better at recognizing that when I randomly can't sleep, my first line of action should be to grab a few spoonfuls of peanut butter. I hope to get better at anticipating these hunger signs so that I'll know when I need that peanut butter before I even crawl into bed.

For the most part, I've rolled with it. Yes, I'm irritated that I have to eat more and I'm thinking so much more about food. I'm irritated about the hypoglycemia and the sudden, ravenous hunger that makes me want to gnaw on my co-workers. I'm (what the hell, I'll admit it) a little disappointed that my body responded by increasing my metabolism rather than decreasing my thighs. But there's not much use in fighting it, either. I'm trying to accept that my body needs more fuel--okay, that it needs fuel period--even if I'm not thrilled at the idea of eating more.

But I'm proud of how I've responded to this. I didn't freak out, I didn't require some over-the-phone hand holding from my dietician, I didn't need my mom to tell me to eat more, I just...did it. There was some anxiety, yes, but not a whole lot. The anxiety was as much about a change in eating habits than the actual increased food. And I'm not completely gibbering in fear that I will surely have gained weight. I fully expect my weight to be about the same as it always is. I have confidence that I'm not eating for emotional reasons and that I'm responding--confidently!--to my body's needs.

That's pretty cool. :)