The whole thing with the lady being all choosey is weird. but I can see where she is coming from! She may have disordered eating, but she is trying hard to meet her calorie goals. I know, sounds far fetched, but you never know. That could have been me, knowing I needed a couple hundred more cals to meet my goal, but not wanting to go over so therefore freaking out about it! I dont know, but anyway, dont let some lady who is obsessing with the fat content bother you because guess what? She waas the one eating the cake, not you! ;)

Part of me had to laugh at this. I am (still) the biggest pain in the ass to wait on, and hence I am a 20 percent tipper unless I am given absolutely horrendous service, because I question everything and substitute this for that and everything has to be on the side and so on ... I once sent back a cafe mocha because, egads they put whipped cream on it when I said no whip, but really, why the hell was I drinking a cafe mocha and not expecting them to put whipped cream on it anyway??? Then throw in the fact I can't have MSG (unless I want a raging migraine after my meal), it's a wonder anyone in this small town will even wait on me.

On the other hand, I also felt sad reading about her, because I understand her paranoia and actually am still in the grips of my own about fat, calories, etc. right now. Just this evening, I threw a raging fit at my husband (who is supposed to be in charge of my eating, per Dr. S's stupid suggestion after my monthlong restriction and subsequent hospitalization- great idea, give the husband power, bah humbug!) after he dared to put more instant mashed potatoes on my plate than I felt was a normal portion. I quizzed him - how did you make it? how much butter? did you measure the portion, and how can you be sure it was a half-cup and not more and was he just trying to force me to eat more than I absolutely had to? (He gave up and went in the garage to get away from this interrogation.)

Your customer might have been told by some well-meaning therapist to try something new, dessert (another idea of Dr. S's I haven't yet implemented) and was terrified by the prospect. Or maybe not; who knows. Kind of sucks being on the other side of the obsession, but just reading it makes me want to go back and re-tip all the waitresses and service people I have relentlessly quizzed about their products throughout the years.

Personally, I love you for having had a cupcake that wasn't low-fat last night:)

To be concerned what other people are eating, weighing etc. has always confused me, because it is something that I have never experienced as part of my anorexia nervosa (AN). Yet, I have repeatedly observed the huge anxiety and emotional conflict that many people with AN have in regard to what other people are eating, how much they weigh, what clothing size they are... (etc.). And, furthermore, the conviction of many anorexic individuals that they, personally, 'should' be eating less and weighing less than other people - and if they are not eating less, weighing less (etc.) they feel frantic.

I have read of this so much in people's autobiographies and blogs of the 'anorexic experience'. It seems that amongst many anorexic individuals there is a sort of 'competitive anorexia'. But surely the danger of this is that the 'best anorexic' dies?

I wonder what lies behind it? My own experiences of AN were quite different and intensely personal, in that I was stuck in my own little world of hyper-control and starvation. I rarely noticed what other people were eating and didn't care either. All that mattered was that I adhered to my own, self-created rules around eating and exercise - not that it did me any good whatsoever...

I'd be interested to know... For people with this type of 'competitive anorexia', does self esteem depend wholly on their AN, and hence upon their capacity to be 'better at it' than other people?

I completely agree with MissBlueBird88!...but I can also relate to your feelings a lot.

I have many conflicting feelings in relation to other people talking about food and dieting, and even others with eating disorders.

In response to Kathy's comments, I have written a little bit about it here (http://www.findingmelissa.co.uk/2009/05/perfectionism/); but I increasingly feel that it is linked into a sense of not feeling that I have a clear position and connected, somehow, to the identity issue. I think you touched on this in one of your Roadblocks to Recovery (On Average) - or at least both posts made me realise that because my self esteem was so low, I tried to create a space for myself via the eating disorder and, therefore, if other people impinged on this, I was bound to feel threatened or competitive.

It's all very confusing! - but your post has made me realise that processing this experience is important as they will keep coming up! It's also a great reminder that life is even more important.

I'm sure it will get easier to deal with people like that as it happens more often (unfortunately, being in the food service industry, you will encounter people like that). I am so glad you realized how ridiculous that lady was being. Don't let people like that make you think twice about what you're doing. You're doing great!

You're right, if that lady was so concerned with the fat/calorie/sugar content of her DESSERTS, then why did she even bother to go to the bakery? I've been guilty of behavior like this too and looking back on it now I am able to laugh.

I understand your frustration, but I can definitely see parts of my former self in that lady as well. I made it myself if I wanted a dessert and was that concerned about the nutritionals, personally...I can think of many times I've ordered food or a drink and then simply thrown it away because I was so overwhelmed with anxiety that it hadn't been prepared "right." People like me are the reason I could never be a waitress.

But maybe she needed the dessert for a special occasion, or was trying to challenge herself in some way, and was a little freaked out by the prospect of it. Maybe she has a husband who makes comments about what she eats all the time when she does want to indulge. We can never ever tell what's going on under the surface with people...

Sorry that episode was triggering, hang in there! Remember what you eat has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else, woot for cupcakes!

I always try to use these situations to look at what's going on with me. I tend to feel very annoyed with women like this, and then I get annoyed with myself for being annoyed. I mean, I spent a long time fretting over calories and fat and all that. Shouldn't I have compassion? I know it's complicated for my psyche though. I'm probably irritated that I've had to overcome her fears, and relieved simultaneously. I'm irritated that we live in a culture where this is so prevalent. And, sometimes, I'm just irritated that people are so vocal about their quirks. I was always a very quiet anorexic -- ha. I would have calculated the desserts beforehand. Hehe. Anyway, these days, I tend to feel rather bored and apathetic toward people who are like this. I don't know if that's better. It probably is. I still let out a sigh.

Interesting and I feel the frustration. Just another brief thing to add in questioning why the woman was putting herself through the torment: I can understand the weird 'appeal' of putting yourself through torment.

It's masochism and I know that the constant tension of 'will you/won't you' can be a powerful drive and affect all those control triggers and desires. Putting everyone else in the bakery through the same thing though? Hmmm...

The testing times come and I just suppose you've just got to take them as they come. Life can be confusing.

I just have to say, because I'm in the medical profession, the older lady asking about the sugar content could have been diabetic. Just something to keep in mind.
It sounds like it was a hard day though, it would have annoyed me too : )

I have to leave a comment, although maybe a bit off-subject from the point of your post. I am a recovering bulimic and in my high school days when I was pretty much starting out on the road to bulimia, I worked in a bakery too. We got to eat pretty much whatever we wanted for free. The free donuts were definitely a "perk" of the job.

Anyway, as a bulimic who used to frequent bakeries, I would have been the opposite of this woman and tried to go as unnoticed as possible. I might have even made up some lie, as if the clerk would care, about bringing treats for work or something to make it seem like it was not for me. It makes me wonder what the clerks thought of me - a fairly slim girl buying a bunch of baked goods. I always thought they could see right through me, I always had a guilty conscience, like they knew my plan was to binge/purge later on, but most likely, they did not really even think about it unless they were eating disordered themselves. . .

Actually, when I was working full-time I used to bring boxes of donuts and other baked goods to the office and then not eat one bite. At first everyone thought I was just being such a nice co-worker; later people caught on that this was my way of vicariously eating by feeding them what I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. (Sort of like how other anorexics like to cook for people - I always brought a ton of junk to work for no reason. I now feel a bit guilty about doing this, because I later found out at least one of my co-workers was really struggling with binge eating and I probably wasn't helping her. )