all the very best for the interview - and your continued recovery

Good luck with the interview. I've just been through the terrifying process of applications and interviews, so I can sympathise.

I think it must be possible to recover completely. I'm a million times better than it once seemed I would ever be. I've got to the point where I'm certain I wouldn't be diagnosed with any eating disorder, but it's still there, buried behind my other thoughts. I'm going to trust that that paranoid voice watching my food will also fade away with time.

I've been thinking about this question a lot lately.

My therapist and I have been working with a model/technique called "voice dialogue". It's a sort of "parts therapy" where you see yourself has having many different parts (or in Voice Dialogue they are called "voices"). And for each of those parts that is a dominant feature of your personality, you have one that opposes it -- a "disowned" part. And even the disowned ones are there as part of you, too. Each of those parts speaks to your "aware ego" and influences your thoughts and behavior. That's a very simplistic and not-so-good description of it all.

But what I wanted to get at is, as you change your behavior and your thought patterns, Voice Dialogue has you actually learning to embrace both sides of an issue -- both the dominant personality part and the disowned part. And it's through the accepting of both sides that you can actually get to a place where you're OK with "it," whatever "it" may be. But the big thing is, Voice Dialogue believes that no part ever completely goes away. You're striving to get to a place where the parts who are troubling simply don't trouble you as much because you're able to a) listen to the opposing voice, hear it, and believe it, and b) hear what the troubling part has to say and basically say to it, "thanks for your opinion" and then move on.

Yes... it's a little bit weird. But the model really works for me... really makes sense to me.

BUT... the thing I finally wanted to get to is this. I feel like now that I've been told that I don't have to banish any of the parts... that I don't have to tell the ED part of me to "go away forever," that I'm finally feeling like some of those very loud parts of me are losing a little bit of power.

So in terms of the model, the belief is that these parts (i.e. the ED part) will never go away. But if you step back and look at it from a whole-person perspective, the truth is that you have, indeed, recovered. Does that make sense?

So I guess I believe that there is part of me that will always be eating disordered. BUT, I don't have to let that part be in complete control ever again, AND I will eventually get to a place where I'm not even fighting with the ED part of me anymore. It might still exist within me, and I may have to watch out and make sure it doesn't get triggered (like I believe that even 20 years from now I won't be able to safely "go on a diet" -- not that anyone really can... but that's a separate discussion!). But basically, I believe I will be able to exist without having it be a daily and constant issue. But knowing that I don't ever have to completely banish it has sort of calmed that part of me down.

Does any of that make sense?

Aaaaaanyway... I wish you the very best on your interview -- the BEST!

Libby

good luck with the interview!!!!!!!

I have a lot of thoughts on the rest of your post, too. I"ll be back.

xo

Very smart post, Carrie. Good luck with the interview. I'll bet you'll wow them.

There's power in remaining vigilant towards something you have no intention of inviting back in. It's a good thing to be mindful and it is different from being sick. AWARENESS is a good thing. Appreciating the healing that's happening a little more each day takes time but eventually you just may notice that you really can stop thinking about food in relation to the ED...lunch will be lunch. Secondie lunch will be just that...secondie lunch. : ) A bowl of ice cream will be a bowl of ice cream.

May your interview work out to be whatever is in your best interest Carrie. If this job pans out I hope you also find it challenging as well as rewarding. I wish you the best, as I know we all do! /*****

I survived. I was an anxious quivering ball of goo (not so much about the food, though. So yay me) but I survived and I'm back home and completely exhausted and behind on my work but phew!

Over and out.

I'm so glad you survived, Carrie!!

A huge YAY for you!!

thinking of you with love,
jeanne

*** Making the appropriate sacrifices to the HR gods *****
Hope you've recovered from interviewitis, and that you get what you want!

Irishup,

My cat said she would gladly sacrifice a mouse for me...but once again, I think she is ruled by her own self-interest. :)