No, really. There is.
If you're a dog sitting next to an eating disordered person hiding food? Free lunch.
If you're a kea bird sitting next to my plate at a tea room that snatches my half eaten pie the second I set my fork down.
I chased that little bastard halfway down the street, demanding that he give that BACK! But no. Damn thing didn't listen. He just jumped right on the picnic table where I was sitting and picked it up in his mangy beak and ran off with it. And the pie (cranberry, chicken and brie) was heavy- there was still half left!
My cold has now turned into bronchitis, which means everyone within a one-mile radius knows where I'm located. I have an asthmatic cough and sound a bit...tubercular. And I would know.
Everyone is out partying. I couldn't face another night of throbbing music and drunken antics, so I'm back at the hotel coughing up a fortune to log onto the internet for a few minutes. It's total sensory overload for me. My brain just can't stand it. Call me uptight, but I can't just jump up on the bar and line dance with the other girls. Screw that it's just for fun, and our trip's theme song was playing. I just...can't. I don't know.
Well, I do know. I know my brain isn't like everyone else's. Yeah yeah, I'm unique. Just like everyone else. But that stuff isn't fun for me. I like tame fun. Like blogging. Drinking coffee. Reading. Long chats. Kitty cats. Etc.
Here's another interesting thing I realized about my brain functioning. For starters, that I have brain functioning! But a lot of my tourmates were doing bungy jumping, skydiving, and other activities that cost heaps of money that would have to be paid to ME before I would consider doing it. I get an adrenaline rush from walking across the street, fretting that a car is going to hit me, that I'm going to get mugged.* Real live (tame real life) is more than enough "rush" for me- which is why I limited my food intake, regimented everything. No surprises, no adrenaline. Bingo.
I wish I had an easier time accepting that, and that society was, as a rule, kinder to tame folks like me.
Running out of time! Bye!
*I really do think that an overactive imagination is central to an anxiety disorder. There has to be a significant amount of creativity in imagining all of these scenarios.
No, really. There is.
- binge eating disorder
- biology of EDs
- body image
- disordered eating
- eating disorder
- Grand Theory of Eating Disorders
- narrating anorexia
- normal eating
- obesity hysteria
- weight gain
- weight loss
- Carrie Arnold
- I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.
Drop me a line!
nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote
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