Why recovery

Feelings of gratitude aren't usually something I suffer from. Every now and then, however, I start to suffer.

I realized, as I called up one of my classmates to whine about boredom (or rather, my increasing desire to do something, anything besides classwork), and then suggest going out for dinner, that this never would have happened a year ago.

For starters, I didn't really have a friend that I could randomly call up. Sad, but true. Ed was my only friend.

Secondly, going out to dinner was tantamount to torture. The dentist was about as fun. I had no idea what I was eating, no way to count the calories and fat grams. This was not allowed. It was simply more trouble than it was worth.

Lastly, I never allowed myself to get bored. It just wasn't going to happen. There was always something I had to be doing. Period, end of story.


In the scheme of things, I'm far busier now than I was before. I do have to use good time management skills. I don't have much in the way of free time. It's reality. But I do try to work in "me" time and fun stuff. It helps that I enjoy my classes more, so my "busy time" isn't quite as onerous. I can also technically classify much of my fun reading as schoolwork (that is, checking out the competition), which helps mentally.

I'm probably still far too uptight for my own good, but the system I have is at least tolerable. I try to get 8 hours of sleep a night- a revolutionary concept. In undergrad, I would habitually deprive myself of sleep because I had all of this psych studying rituals and I thought that sleeping more than 5 hours a night made me lazy. It also made me completely nutso.

I could say all of these grand, sweeping things about recovery: that it's enabling me to pursue my dream (it is) or travel to a foreign country for 3 weeks this winter (ditto), but right now, I'm grateful for recovery because I could enjoy a lovely dinner out with a friend.

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em said...

i've been feeling grateful too lately. grateful for an easing of symptoms, grateful for moving closer to a non-ed way of living, grateful for the chance to choose to live a different way...

i'm glad you are enjoying friendship again - that's like being reborn.


Jeanne said...

Awesome post, carrie!!


thinking of you,

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's the small things that matter most. :)

Sarah said...

I am grateful for you, and I am really glad that you are in this good place.


Faith said...

Me too! Me too!

Thank you for this post.


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About Me

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I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.

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Have any questions or comments about this blog? Feel free to email me at carrie@edbites.com

nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote


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