Feelings of gratitude aren't usually something I suffer from. Every now and then, however, I start to suffer.

I realized, as I called up one of my classmates to whine about boredom (or rather, my increasing desire to do something, anything besides classwork), and then suggest going out for dinner, that this never would have happened a year ago.

For starters, I didn't really have a friend that I could randomly call up. Sad, but true. Ed was my only friend.

Secondly, going out to dinner was tantamount to torture. The dentist was about as fun. I had no idea what I was eating, no way to count the calories and fat grams. This was not allowed. It was simply more trouble than it was worth.

Lastly, I never allowed myself to get bored. It just wasn't going to happen. There was always something I had to be doing. Period, end of story.

I.
had.
to.
stay.
busy.

In the scheme of things, I'm far busier now than I was before. I do have to use good time management skills. I don't have much in the way of free time. It's reality. But I do try to work in "me" time and fun stuff. It helps that I enjoy my classes more, so my "busy time" isn't quite as onerous. I can also technically classify much of my fun reading as schoolwork (that is, checking out the competition), which helps mentally.

I'm probably still far too uptight for my own good, but the system I have is at least tolerable. I try to get 8 hours of sleep a night- a revolutionary concept. In undergrad, I would habitually deprive myself of sleep because I had all of this psych studying rituals and I thought that sleeping more than 5 hours a night made me lazy. It also made me completely nutso.

I could say all of these grand, sweeping things about recovery: that it's enabling me to pursue my dream (it is) or travel to a foreign country for 3 weeks this winter (ditto), but right now, I'm grateful for recovery because I could enjoy a lovely dinner out with a friend.