Return to the RD
Have any of you guys ever sat down to blog, knowing you had a great idea, but then after staring at the screen for 15 minutes, realized you couldn't remember what the hell it was?
No?
Oh, well then. Me, neither.
Anyway, I finally remembered what I wanted to say at about 2am, which was really too late to be helpful yesterday, but I am finally sitting down to blog this afternoon.
So I've started seeing a dietitian again. I had a few appointments last year, and it's been about two or three years since I really saw an RD with any sort of regularity. In the past, when I'd started back up with a dietitian after a hiatus, it was usually because I was in some sort of crisis mode and was futilely trying to put a Band-Aid on the bullet hole. Occasionally it worked, mostly it didn't.
My therapist has been talking me for a while about returning to a dietitian for a while. Not because I'm doing poorly or having troubles but so I don't in the future. I've been enjoying cycling and such, and I've started doing the occasional longer weekend ride with a group I found. When I've tried to increase my mileage in the past, it's either been an ED-related motivation and/or the exercise has gotten ahead of me and I've ended up in relapse mode.
The general idea, I've been told, is to avoid this in the future. Enter the dietitian.
We had our first session a few days ago, and mostly we discussed how I need to add more protein to fuel my workouts. She also mentioned that I might want to try eating more earlier in the day so I don't get so hungry at night. I, of course, instantly interpreted this as "YOU EAT TOO MUCH YOU FAT, DISGUSTING PIG!" Which isn't at all what she meant, and once I calmed down enough, I was able to make sense of it. My weight is stable, clearly I'm not eating too much.
Clearly, there's plenty of stuff to work on, not to mention things like flexibility, etc.
We meet again in two weeks.
It should be interesting, as I've never really worked with a dietitian while in serious recovery mode. She has been very helpful to getting me to where I am today, but we've never really had a "Carrie is doing well" kind of relationship. So we shall see.
8 comments:
So this is the same RD you saw when you were struggling? That would be an interesting dynamic. Does the familiarity of that (of her) feel triggering at all?
Such a cool post. Very curious to me to hear that you still have ed thoughts and yet are still in recovery mode. Very encouraging to me. Love to hear about your adventures- in life (biking) and in recovery (non-ed related RD appts).
Dieticians can be hugely helpful to people with EDs, though I must admit that I turned my nose up at the idea of seeing one when I started my recovery 6 years ago. The reason was that I knew exactly what I should eat to gain weight; I knew what 'normal' portion sizes look like; I knew what a balanced diet was.. etc. This was something I had taught to Physiology students.
The problem I had was getting over the fear of putting food in my mouth, chewing it and swallowing it. I needed to be de-sensitised to the stress of eating and all the phobic thoughts I had attached to it.
I guess if you fear over- or under-eating, however; or not balancing nutrient intake, a dietician can be incredibly useful.
I'm really happy that you're enjoying the cycling. Cycling is such fun :) If my knees and low back were not 'knackered' I'd love to do mountain biking for the sheer joy of it!
I hope this works out, sounds like a good idea, especially if the cycling is getting more intense. I think sometimes it's easy to get "stuck in our ways" over time, especially when it comes to food habits, and having an outside observer offering advice can help to check any patterns or habits that might need to be adjusting to help you continue to enjoy new active hobbies.
I just started seeing an RD again this past week also, and I know it can be a little nerve-wracking at first to have your food habits under the microscope by a new person, brave move!
I would love to see an example of a structured meal plan if your dietitian provides one. Thanks and I wish you all the best in recovery!
I can understand this... the idea of trying to prevent future problems... and can attest to the merit of it. My therapist a few months ago suggested I do a "support meal" every once in awhile (or something of that sort...) and I adamantly said no... You know what? It probably would have been a good idea...
My point is? I think you should be proud of yourself. For realizing that receiving help doesn't mean you're doing poorly at the moment... it can mean, instead, that you're being proactive.
"A 'Carrie is doing well' kind of relationship" sounds pretty cool to me! Good luck with it.
What a great therapist you must have--able to be so proactive to encourage a different perspective on the RDs role.
I'm pleased it's been a positive experience for you, so far. It takes wisdom to realize that an EDz-experienced RD provides way more than information, helps make connections and influences actions by shifting thoughts and feelings.
Hope it continues to be valuable.
I have the best. therapist. EVER.
Dietitians have been helpful at various stages of recovery, and I think this will be helpful, too, to help me move forward.
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