The 'scared to see a therapist' response was interesting, but I was a little disappointed because I was hoping she would discuss what you were 'supposed' to talk about in therapy - because I have no idea. I've stopped going because I really don't know what I'm 'supposed' to be talking about. There's really nothing wrong (except that I panic around food), so I have no idea what to say when they say 'so, what brings you here today' or 'what would you like to get out of this session'. I honestly don't have an answer, and I end up feeling like I'm wasting their time because I don't really know why I'm there.
Any advice anyone out there has would be really greatly appreciated - I am keen to get on with this 'recovery' business, I'm just not familiar with (or comfortable with) this whole 'talking about yourself' thing.

Wow, lots of links today! I particularly liked the link to the poster designer - except for the fact that he wrongly classified narcolepsy as a mental illness. Neurological disorder =/= mental illness. I am such a pedant. I loved the OCD one though, I wanted to straighten it out :P

I'm also very much in agreement with the idea that mental health diagnoses would benefit from a second opinion. A lot of the time, particularly in the NHS where you are usually stuck with the team you are given, there seems to be an illusion that the psychiatrist is God and the patient can't possibly have a useful opinion because they are ill. I've argued with previous psychiatrists in the past (over medication and the necessity of therapy in the treatment of PTSD) and eventually been proved correct, and I have several friends who have disagreed on more serious matters such as whether they have borderline personality disorder - which is so often used as an excuse to label a person as untreatable. It would be great if it were always possible to get a second opinion from someone who did not know the first opinion, or the doctor who made it.

Rant over :P

Oh, not sure if it's the link or my computer, but when I clicked on one it tried to give me a virus. I think it was the intuitive eating references. Probably my computer, but thought I'd mention it just in case...

Anon- TELL them what you just said here. Tell the therapist that you don't know exactly what you want, but that you know you're not healthy. Tell them that you worry that you're wasting their time b/c you don't know exactly what you want. Tell them that you feel nervous talking about yourself. Tell them that you need some guidance and assistance getting the "therapy" process going. A good therapist should be able to help you out. It's ok to not know what to say. It's ok to sit in silence while you think. You can't possible be wasting their time if you're paying them. Your hour is paid for regardless of whether or not you can figure out what to say. However, if they don't help you to figure it out, I'd say THEY are wasting YOUR time AND your money. Go find a new therapist who can push you along, if that's what you need.

Other notes:
*Loved the emergence article. It's what I need to hear right now. So afraid of losing myself as I recover. Trying instead to hold onto the hope that I will blossom instead of get lost- "emerge" is a great word.

*On the issue of eds being contagious. Are they seriously acting like this is new info? Yes, we anorexics are competitive, probably b/c we tend to be obsessive and cling to numbers like a baby won't let go of a nipple. Our "stats" seem to define the success or failure of our very being, so of course we compare them. That's why sites like this one are so incredible- b/c Carrie keeps it safe by not allowing numbers and shit that will trigger our competitive natures and send us flying frantically after self-destruction in an effort to outdo each other. We are safe to support each other here w/out falling prey to destructive competition.

hm - thank you so much for responding to my plaintive little cry :) It is really most kind of you to take the time.
And your response is really helpful too. I will let her know that if I decide to go back and try again. She is extremely nice and very experienced (I am very lucky). I'm just embarassed and need to get over that first.

No problem, Anon- and "embarrassed" is just another feeling. Say it out loud to her, she will acknowledge it, and that will help it to pass.

thank you so much for including my post in your Sunday Smorgasbord!