Missing TNT

I had my second appointment with Dr. H this afternoon.  Don't get me wrong--I like Dr. H.  She has a Keurig coffeemaker in her waiting room, so there's no way I couldn't like her. And I like how she approaches therapy and she seems to "get" me.  That's no small order.

But she's not TNT.

I don't miss the hour-long drive each way to go see TNT, but I really did like the work we did together.  She's helped me feel a lot more secure about my recovery.  TNT talked me down from a number of psychological ledges.  We did some work on body dysmorphia, although it's still majorly present.  Nonetheless, although the dysmorphia itself isn't any better, I'm able to overlook it a bit more.

I do like Dr. H, though.  When I asked her what her philosophy was, she said that she mainly did CBT.  She followed this up with the comment that she doesn't see herself as just a therapist, but she also sees herself as part coach and part cheerleader.  Thankfully, she doesn't wear short, polyester skirts or insist that I wear them, either.  Keurig be damned, that would be a deal breaker.

It's hard to adjust to the change.  It's hard for me to adjust to any change, let alone something major like this.  I think I've been lucky overall with finding good therapists, especially recently.  I had a few doozies in my time (like the one therapist who told me, in all seriousness, that "I just needed to get laid." Well all righty, then), but I've mostly found good clinical support.

I think Dr. H will work out just fine, but making the transition is tough.  I see TNT next weekend for one last group therapy session, and then we're done.  I'm trying to remind myself that this is a chance to learn from someone new, to get a new perspective on my recovery.

Also, the Keurig.  Let's not forget the Keurig.


hm said...

So sorry you have to lose TNT. :( Great job expressing yourself about it though. Here's to hoping Dr. H will impress you with the novelty of being great at doing therapy. (And I do find it a novelty- I saw one therapist who actually fell asleep in her chair while I was there- another who told me to "go ahead and not eat for a while, if it makes you feel better- I know you're smart enough to not hurt yourself with it"- crappy therapists are a dime a dozen!) Wishing you closure in your goodbye and positive challenges ahead.

Cathy (UK) said...

I struggle with change too Carrie - in every dimension of my existence. It takes time to build a good therapeutic relationship too, so a change of therapist isn't easy.

The coffee maker is a VERY good reason to continue though...

BTW, a clinician once advised me to 'get laid'. Well, she didn't precisely use that terminology, but she did say that having sex leads to maturation of the hypothalamic-pituitay-ovarian axis - which I already knew - at least in rabbits - lol. The objective was to 'kick-start' my absent menstrual cycle.

I actually did meet a guy who I liked. But somehow my anorexia got worse and I still had no period.

Cathy (UK) said...

*I meant 'pituitary'*

malpaz said...

haha that menstrual cycle comment is hilarious. i have often thoguht that but never actually been advised!

* Nonetheless, although the dysmorphia itself isn't any better, I'm able to overlook it a bit more.*

its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, i still dont own a mirror besides to fix my makeup for work in the morning. what i see and what i reflect is pics is 100% different, so i just accept it as 'it is what it is'

Anonymous said...

I really liked my first therapist, and when he decided to leave his practice, I didn't think that my relationship with another therapist would ever compare. Truly, I went through a grieving process. I never really connected with my second therapist, but I've had a great 5 1/2 year relationship with my third therapist (better than with the first). I hope you end up liking Dr. H as much as I ended up liking my third therapist.

cheryl said...

yes, I had the bomb dropped on me Thursday that my therapist was leaving and I would have to be reassigned. It's so frustrating because it seems as soon as I finally start to trust and start the real work..it's therapist change. I know i have to be more open minded but it's so damn hard to tell my story over and over again. but it know i will because recovery is a long process and can only be done with the help of others..love to all,cheryl

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I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.

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nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote


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