I'm thinking of you. It DOES suck, and it IS necessary. I'm almost 30 too, and still figuring out how to feed myself. You're not alone.

That's the suckiest part- knowing that it's necessary. Though I'm not glad that others are also slogging through this crap, it does help immensely to know that I'm not alone...

i appreciate this post a lot.
i am pretty much in the exact same place (although i do not have the family involvement - they like to pretend none of it is happening) ... and i feel your pain and frustration.
it would be so much easier if we could just do away with food forever, but we have to eat, and therefore have to face our demon every single day. i have hope that facing it will get easier with time, but right now, in my head, that seems impossible.
i often find myself asking "why me?" ... but that is really an irrelevant question - i mean, "why not me?". all i can do now is find my way through.

thanks again for this post - it is nice to not feel so alone although i hate that you are having to go through this.

Carrie, you have no idea how much you mean to your readers. Or maybe you do. We're pulling for you and I can't wait until you're back in DC.

I LOVE that you're so honest.

In a nutshell: you and I and all your readers really HATE ED!

Yes, samsi77 has it right...we all really Hate ED!! I'm so sorry that this is so painfully hard right now. But, you're also right about it being absolutely necessary.

I have to correct you though. You are NOT a burden to your family. Bringing a sick child home to get well is never a burden. Don't even consider otherwise. You are loved very much.

Yes, the only way out is through!!!

{{{{Hugs}}}} It really, truly *DOES* get easier over time. You'll still have your good days and your bad days, but there will be more of the former and fewer of the latter.

I can only agree with what everyone else is saying. It sucks now, but it WILL get better. And we are here to support you when you need it on the way.

Um, this is awesome, Carrie. I've read your posts since you've gone home and very few of them have been personal. They've been GOOD and I always learn something, but they're not reflective of your emotional state, and that's what I really care about and want you to learn how to express. I know that your blog isn't necessarily themed around emotional outpours (who does that? er...) but I know this is tough stuff, I know this initial refeeding time was the hardest part of my entire life, and I'm reasonably certain I can extrapolate that to others dealing with this. The more you express this stuff, the more you are dealing with your emotions. It's "nicer" and "easier" and more convenient to hide your feelings, but I think learning to start statements with "I hate..." and reflecting your emotional state in the rest of the sentence is a crucial step towards a sustainable recovery because you're expressing your feelings, not starving yourself because of them.

You are such an inspiration, dear Carrie. Every time your posts pop in my Reader I wonder, "what will I learn today?" Today, I learned, "she is taking a chance and being honest." I love it.

Sending hugs from DC. I can't wait till you're back here, too.

FWIW, I think it's OK to hate this. I mean, it's not like chemo is fun... like dialysis is fun... like surgery is fun.

This is hard, sucky work, but you are doing it. And for that I have so much admiration for you.

It does suck. It sucks big time. You need to rant about it and let the frustration vent. It's okay. I agree with Libby, treatment sucks for a variety of medical conditions.

Most important though - You are not a burden to anyone. You are a beloved child no matter how old you are or how much you grouse about your meal plan.

You are important to us as well. Slog on. You can do it.

I can relate on so many levels. Let it out, sista.

I'm right there with you. Thank you for putting your thoughts here; sometimes it is helpful just to sympathize with one another.

e

I hate being 19 with bulimia and wondering if I will be as strong as you when Im thirty and trying to recover, and then wondering what the next eleven years will be like until I reach that point.

(I hope you continue being strong, your strength gives me strength so that I know its possible to overcome this nightmare life)

I'm sorry. Hug

(and, as a mom, I can tell you your mom and dad do not see it as a burden, they see it as something they have to do to save the life of a person they love more than themselves)

Carrie,

Fighting ED is Exhausting,Frustrating Hard Work but So worth Fighting For. Hang in there, with Full Nutrition Everyday, This too shall pass and It Does Get Better. Sending You and Your Family Courage,Strength and Hope to Stand up and Fight Against ED! Denise

I'm laughing cause I just got done eating a can of spinich. I didn't want to but it was time to eat something. I had no intention of following my eating plan till I read this. I'm 40 and don't know how to feed myself. Thank you for the post's, I just found them a few day's ago. It's nice knowing I'm not alone.

I like that you can vent here and use your blog to help you deal :)

I hope it becomes habit and gets easier for you soon...

Hello Carrie,
As a mother of a daughter recovering from AN, all I can say is you are extremely brave and wise. You knew how horrible the refeeding process would be and you still packed up and went home to face it, because it is necessary. I hope with everything in me that my daughter will do the same if she EVER needs to when she is an adult living away from home. So I am 100% certain that your parents do not see this as a burden, but as a way to save their daughter's life. You are precious, and you are worth it. (Nothing is worse for a parent than to just sit helplessly by and watch their child waste away.) Thank you so much for your honesty; you help me to understand a little bit better what my own daughter must live with. I think of you often and I'm rooting for you, Carrie.