Yeah Carrie! I know that strange feeling all too well. I've always wondered about my state of happiness as I don't know how to define it or how to really feel/accept that feeling.

Sometimes, I think there is a fear of almost "jinxing" yourself, or that this is some fluke, or that you couldn't possibly be happy. At least this is my thinking at moments when there is some cheer in my life.

Anyway, hope you are able to hold onto this feeling and realize that you indeed can be happy. And damn it, you deserve it too!

My first SSRI changed my life. I think I had fought admitting my anxiety disorder diagnosis for so long I had become comfortable being uncomfortable. To feel normal again was foreign.
Great post, keep writing...it gives hope to others and is great therapy for yourself :)

This is exactly how I felt when I was put on an SSRI. I didn't like feeling like that and I stopped taking it, like an idiot. I'd spent the last 6 years in misery and I knew how to relatively function like that. Feeling 'happy' scared me. I didn't know how to act. I didn't know who the hell I was. So, no more pills.

Don't do what I did. Hold onto this feeling and fight like hell to keep it.

I had a few days several weeks ago where I, too, was like, is this mania? What the hell's going on? And, quick as it came, it was gone, but I'm pretty sure it was something resembling balance. I'd like to order another round of that.

it's so crazy that your blog would be about this today, because i've been experiencing this, too, and actually...i'm kind of scared. i feel like it's an illusion or i just need to wait for the other shoe to drop. but i'm trying to live in the moment. so glad for you that that you are finding more pleasure in living, too!

Having experienced both SSRI induced mania and genuine happiness (well, on occasion!), I can testify to the fact that they are definitely very different feelings :p I can't take antidepressants because they all make me horribly unwell, both physically and psychologically, so it's nice to read that they have a positive effect on some people. Sorry for the random comment - I have been reading your blog for months and find myself relating so much of it, and I just wanted to say that I'm really glad to read this, I hope the feeling lasts for you :)

Wishing you lots of happy!!

Woo-hoo!

Did you read Daphne Merkin's piece in the Times Mag recently? You'd appreciate it.

I'm in the same boat as Katie. I've experienced happy (and wow, was it strange after so many years of misery!) and also went completely, dangerously manic from an SSRI - twice. It's not happy. It's revved up, but it's not happy. I might have thought I was happy for a short time or tried to tell others I was fine and just happy (while they watched me go crazy) but it was not happiness. Mania and happiness are certainly very different experiences.
I'm so glad the dose bump-up is working for you. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

yay for happy! And I am right here with you at this moment after some bumps with my meds. The other day I was thinking exactly the same thoughts you've described. Glad to know I'm not the only one!

xoxo

ps lol the word verification is sessess. apparently it's in parseltongue.

search for google on "Thank God I Had an Eating Disorder", true story that overcome there eating disorder...

I know all your readers all got a shot of "happy" reading this.

I had a period in my life with constant nagging pain. When it was cured, overnight, I would find myself sobbing sometimes in this sort of vertigo of feeling fine. It was scary, I felt like hoarding it, and then at times I wanted to end it so it wouldn't be taken away. I got used to it, though, and appreciate normal so darn much!

Thank you so much for this post!

Did I jinx myself? I think I might have just jinxed myself.

Dammit...

Still, despite the sudden tanking in mood and increase in anxiety, it is better than without the Prozac. Sigh.