Mission if you chose to accept is embracing the shawdows without judgement as if not for where you have been you would not be where you currently are or all of the incredible places you shall go ........forward forever!

Oh my. The first paragraph bowled me over - I started reading your blog this summer and didn't know.

Your courage is so admirable. I wish you all the help and hope you need to do battle with the shadows, because yours is a voice that needs to be heard. You've already reached so many people and I think your future carries many more opportunities.

And the part of the metaphor that I didn't get into: you can't dance in the moonlight without creating shadows. It's just a part of life.

Yes, I still beat myself up about it. ;) But I'm on my way to acceptance.

Lisa,

Thanks.

I remembered when you posted about this and how 1) incredibly happy that you survived and 2) how incredibly sad for you to have experienced such a horrible low.

You've certainly learned a lot from the good and bad experiences. The shadows may remain, but having the ability to see them for what they are, counteract them when needed, and to embrace them too, shows how far you have come in your journey.

This post hits a little too close to home... There are a million things that go through my mind about this, but I cannot really talk about them yet, at least not in a constructive way. Suffice it to say that I, too, took an overdose in July 2007. I wish I could say I was better now, but that wouldn't be true (although I won't take another overdose for various reasons). I wish I could "celebrate" my victories, but I am not sure that they are victories at all. In contrast to you I do at this moment not fulfill my obligations - for one, I am not getting on with my studies, and I am dependent on my parents financial support. I am thankful to my family, very much so, and not just because of the money - they are and always have been incredibly supportive (and so have many of my professors). But that does not change the fact that they should not have to take care of me at this point in my life (I am 29 after all). It's like being frozen - I manage to "survive", but not to "live", or as I usually put it, I am ageing without growing, and yes, despite the depression I guess this might be partially my fault.

You've climbed mountains in the last 2 yrs. Carrie! I know it's been hard work. Use your shadows well (shadow puppets)and remember to live in the light. It's one of those essential things.
I went out and bought a bunch of day light bulbs this year. (those energy ones DO NOT last as long as promised anyway)
I also like to hang crystal prisms in the windows for the great rainbows they throw. Any crystal will do...I also have a vintage crystal salt shaker sitting in the window. Colors are so important...just painted my kitchen a warm peach so it'd be bright all winter long.
Anyway, I hope you keep on keeping on cause there will be some awesome days ahead. Some crappy ones too no doubt. Nothing you can't handle though!

This is an amazing post. Thank you. It's such a comfort to hear your honesty. I think we'd all rather think that the shadows just go away, but they don't. And you remind me that we can learn to step out from their darkness. I think it really is all about acceptance, not judging ourselves... Thank you for your courage and for sharing your journey. Your blog is a daily source of energy for me.

Oh, Carrie, wow.

That was quite a day for us.

I'm so glad we're still here.

xoxo

Carrie...

If only for a selfish reason, I am so thankful for what you do. You put so eloquently the thoughts that run through my head, and it has become a part of my daily routine to check your blog. There are days when I don't feel like I have a shadow but a dark cloud, and then there are other days when the sun shines (if only metaphorically since the sun hibernates during Michigan winters).

So thank YOU for doing what you do. Eventually babies learn to run, and we will too. Until then, we wobble from side to side and fall on our butts, and then we get back up and try again.

Thanks again!

Breathtaking, Carrie - really.

Note to Sannaana: parents don't WANT to be relieved of that service to their kids when we are needed. Helping you is just a part of loving you. There are no "shoulds" in these things - it isn't a burden.

Carrie, I am grateful for you!!

i've been there too. all of it -- close to death, then living with the family, too depressed and crying to get out of bed, too anxious to call my best friend -day-after-day, too hungry and weak to move, too obsessed with my eating disorder to breathe.

but i'm not there now. and i do not believe that we must JUST be grateful. while gratitude is wonderful and important, HAPPINESS is there for you too. relief is possible. for me, it took time, but i do feel happy in happy times, and i can get through the day often forgetting my eating disorder. hang in there. it gets better.

thank you carrie,

I am glad you were brave enough to share that. I am glad that you overcame your struggles at that point in your life so you could live a life.

I needed this to tell me that there is hope -- that I will move beyond this nightmare.

Check your facebook email :)

A:)

I'm glad you're doing better, but sorry you're still struggling. I think the key is to, on average, get a little better and better over time. Love the quote.

I've very happy you're still here Carrie, and hope you have easier days ahead. You have so much to offer all of us.

As an aside, I just found out I won your book in the NEDA auction--YAY!

Carrie,

Beautiful post. I can relate to it on many levels. Have you read the book "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron? That book changed my life. Chodron writes, so simply, that we spend so much energy trying to avoid the shadows when it is impossible. If you embrace them without judgment, as Stefanie said, they are so much easier to navigate.

I look forward to meeting you in person someday, Carrie. You're a special person.