Back to therapy
Now that I've been moved in for about six weeks, I've started back to therapy. This break over the summer (due to 13+ hour days) is the longest I've gone since I was diagnosed. In some sense, it was a nice break. I get tired of talking about my crap with people so much, and having it usually followed with obvious statements:
You mean- I'm a perfectionist? Holy leaping lizards, Scooby!
After much searching, I finally found someone who a) wasn't going to pin everything on my mother, b) had office hours that were convenient (I couldn't find anyone with evening/weekend hours!), and c) had some chance of being partly reimbursed by my insurance. K is very nice, and I like her, and all is going well after two sessions.
Is my therapy focused on the eating disorder? Somewhat. K does specialize in eating disorders and no, I am NOT fully recovered. So yes, the topic comes up regularly.
On the other hand, I don't know if I'm in therapy for my eating disorder. I'm there to deal with all of the crap that primed me so perfectly to get sick in the first place. Anxiety. Perfectionism. Depression. Emotional lability. Inflexibility. (Lack of) stress management. Feelings of inadequacy. Social issues. Identity issues. And many of those have been amplified by being sick for so long. How do you function in this world as a person without an eating disorder (or other severe mental illness) when you can't really remember much else?
I suppose that's what I'm trying to learn here.
Being weight restored and stable and in recovery means that I can actually address these issues. I'm not always in crisis mode, trying to find ways to stay out of the hospital or try and eat more. And my brain is recovered enough that it can begin to process these things.
I guess we'll see what happens.
7 comments:
Carrie,
I returned to therapy and although it took me about a year to find a person with whom I can work, it's been a very different experience for me this time around because (as in your case) I'm not horribly depressed, I'm pretty content with much of my life. It means that I can work on the REAL issues. Not that with my last GOOD therapist I didn't, but I was also in pretty bad shape.
I'm finding that it's a very different process/experience, and, although this may sound self-indulgent, it's also much more enjoyable to go and hash things out with her rather than talk, yet again, about behaviors and weight and depression.
Hope you find it revelatory!
- Kristina
Glad you were able to find someone!
kb,
Thanks for the encouragement. And I agree- we're still in the getting-to-know-you stage, but the prospects of problem solving and building things up seems much more appealing than just trying to plug the holes as it were.
Libby,
Thank you for all of your help! I didn't end up using someone on your list (hours weren't compatible), but you did point me in the right direction.
As you know, I've recently started back in therapy as well. It's really quite interesting this time around, because I really want to get through my sh*t and move on you know?
My situation is a little different, since I previously knew this therapist, but it's different. I find myself being more open.
I hope this time around for you helps as well. I think sometimes giving therapy a break for awhile just gives better perspective of what you really want to get out of it. And though the ED is still an issue, it just doesn't seem quite the sole focus anymore.
This is a whole new stage and having support to deal with life in general, past and present is a good idea Carrie. You'll know when you've had enough. I know I wish I had someone, especially back when I was in my 20's, to help guide and maybe shake things up a bit. It's quite easy to get caught in patterns that aren't in our own best interest and thinking is one of those patterns.
Know that I am in your corner and wish you well on this next journey.
All best wishes to you, and to K, as you start this journey from a position of health.
i've recently started with a new therapist also . . . I hope you have as good luck with yours as I seem to be having with mine.
xo
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