I think that's a pretty good question. We're all here, trying to recover from an eating disorder, right? But what is recovery? Where are we actually going? What are we working towards?

There's the obvious: not feel like crap all the time. A good goal, to be sure.

But there are other things: eating without fear, exercising without fear, a return to normal body weight, etc.

If you defined my recovery strictly by a loss of DSM criteria for anorexia nervosa, I'd have been recovered a long time ago. My weight is above 85% of what would be expected, and I menstruate normally. But, let me clue you in a bit: I'm doing well, but I'm not recovered.

There are no cut-and-dry terms for what is recovered and what isn't. You probably aren't going to be able to just measure recovery on a brain scan, or even on a handy dandy little chart that medical providers seem so unnaturally fond of. Recovery is a much more subjective experience, I've found. It's something that is going to have to be defined by the sufferer and then perhaps applied outward.

A group of researchers actually looked at how women defined recovery from an eating disorder.

A qualitative method with a phenomenographic approach was used to identify various ways of experiencing recovery. Four categories emerged, describing how the subjects now relate in a relaxed and accepting manner to food, the body, themselves as individuals, and their social environment. Some perceived recovery as coping with emotions, while others experienced themselves as healthier than people in general regarding food and weight. Different aspects were emphasized as important for recovery. As long as patients perceive themselves as recovered, it is not necessary that they fulfill all conceivable criteria for recovery.

Without seeing the full text, I can't say what the "all conceivable criteria for recovery" are, and how important it is if you fulfill them. Certainly physical recovery is crucial, especially because it's hard to be relaxed around food when you're underweight. But after the basic physical criteria, even researchers and sufferers find it hard to say this is recovery and this is not.

Then there's the added question of recovery vs. remission. Is there such a thing as full recovery? Absolutely! But the biological nature of this illness means I will be exquisitely vulnerable to relapse throughout my life. I can be illness free (I hope). I don't need to manage my illness and live within anorexia's grasp. But losing vigilance over my recovery, forgetting that I had an eating disorder, and becoming blase about eating and exercise means I am setting myself up for disaster. Especially given that I have been sick for a while, those patterns are even more highly ingrained in my brain. That's just reality. It means I will be more likely to return to them in times of stress and crisis, and that those behaviors will return stronger and faster than someone who had been ill for a year.

So there's this question for all of you: so how DO you describe recovery? How did you know when you had recovered? Or what signs are you looking for to see how you're progressing in recovery? What signs do you look for in your friends and family?