I'm writing this letter to you for when you are hearing Ed's voice. Loud. Very loud. I know that every fiber of your being and every neuron in your brain is fighting your desire to read this note and renew your commitment to recovery, so even if you get no further in this note, you are being very very strong.
Ed tells you so many false and unkind things- that you are fat and worthless and lazy. That you will never accomplish anything so you may as well be the best as starving and exercising. That being thin is the only thing you can ever achieve. You know this isn't true. You have kept up a blog for almost a year and a half. You have a kitty to love and who loves you back. Even if you accomplish nothing else in your life, you have this.
You could, of course, go back to your eating disorder. There's not really a whole lot stopping you. But where will that get you? Will you be any happier? Any more fulfilled? Any more you? Anorexia is not unique; it makes you sick, not special. Even if you don't like what you see in the mirror, remember that you never did. Remember the cost of going back to the eating disorder, and not just in cost of treatment. The cost to yourself, your body, your spirit. Your friends and family.
You may always feel some level of anxiety and depression. I can't predict the future, but it's certainly possible. Anorexia does make them fade- but only temporarily. They come back. You can figure out a way to get through whatever it is. As surprising as it seems, you have people who care about you and who are there to help.
Recovery is on the other side of this hell. You just have to keep going through the hell to get there.
- binge eating disorder
- biology of EDs
- body image
- disordered eating
- eating disorder
- Grand Theory of Eating Disorders
- narrating anorexia
- normal eating
- obesity hysteria
- weight gain
- weight loss
- Carrie Arnold
- I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.
Drop me a line!
nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote
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