Another day over.
Last week was so overwhelming that I haven't been quite at my prime this week.
I don't like that.
I don't like to think that I need a break that even, God forbid, I deserve a break. Or sleep. I restricted sleep for a year before the eating disorder took control. The psychoticness of that gave Ed a run for his money. I could never get myself to believe that I had 'earned' sleep or food. I wasn't worth it. I think that's when the exercising started to transition from the standard let's-not-gain-the-freshman-15 to more of a way to let me feel I deserved to eat.
Obviously, I still struggle with that. Things like spending money are tough. I like it and I don't like that I like it, and I don't think I deserve most of the things I've purchased. I bought a little Henley at the store today and it was on clearance for $7. It's everything I can do in my power not to return the shirt. It was a stupid, impulse buy.
Was it stupid? I like the shirt.
I got paid for some work I did over the summer (better late than never, right?). Does that make getting the shirt okay? Or the cute little paper organizer? Because I didn't need that either. I have old folders. Even I had to admit that one of them had past its prime after I spilled coffee all over it. Other than that, I have ways to organize my shit.
I'm blogging. I should be working. This could be considered 'work' if you try really hard and pretend that I'm going to use this blog to make it big in the writing world. Which I'm not. I try to keep my private life as freaking private as possible. Besides, I don't think reading about the nuances of my neuroticisms is a sure-fire way of getting hired.
My back is killing me right now. I spent the last hour or so hunched over, beading. I need to photograph my new stuff so I can list it in my store. I also need to get my stuff together for the craft fair I'm doing next week. I'll put up an announcement tomorrow or something.
I have to write lesson plans for tomorrow, which I'm really not wanting to do. I'm not sure my students are all that thrilled with the class, either. A part of me isn't really all that bothered. My view is that as long as everyone puts in their time, then we will have accomplished our goals.
My brain is shutting off. It's time for bed.
Another day over.
- binge eating disorder
- biology of EDs
- body image
- disordered eating
- eating disorder
- Grand Theory of Eating Disorders
- narrating anorexia
- normal eating
- obesity hysteria
- weight gain
- weight loss
- Carrie Arnold
- I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.
Drop me a line!
nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote
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