I went to a local bar and grill for dinner with my parents- a hometown sort of microbrewery. It's really cool, a converted warehouse, with wood floors and stainless steel fittings. So I do the usual open-the-menu business, look at the "Burgers" list and discover...

...the Eddie Burger!!!!

I looked closer: ground beef, bacon, onion rings, and bleu cheese dressing, and homemade fries on the side. I am not typically a bleu cheese kind of girl- ranch is much more my schtick. But I didn't argue. The chance to eat a fabulous item of food, previously forbidden, that was also named "Eddie," well, I couldn't pass it up.

Gave Eddie a good bite in the rear, if you know what I mean.

Much of my recent success in recovery has not been due to any prophetic revelations or blinding realizations. Nope. I know I have to eat, I know I have to gain weight, etc. I've known that for quite some time. Most of that time, I either didn't care enough to try, was too scared of succeeding (or that matter, failing), to actually see it through. This past time as a day patient, I had the absolutely sinking realization that insurance wasn't going to help, treatment wasn't going to pander at my doorstep, none of that. It was going to have to be ME. Yes, me with support, but ME.

I am finishing up an audio book called Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. It's his memoir of a life as a chef, not necessarily a surprising choice by a recovering anorexic. However, one of the segments that stuck in my head as I was on my drive home from work was him and his three friends, sitting in a cab, looking to score some dope. He made the little lame joke that only one in four people detox successfully. He said he looked around and said, "That guy is gonna be ME. I am going to do this successfully." And he did and his friends didn't.

Aside from the fact that this is a good, if slightly off-color, read, I realized that Bourdain's determination is the same one that is now fueling me. I am going to beat this thing. Half of the "professionals" I've met with have told me I'd never get better, I was chronic, I was hopeless, I didn't have a chance. I know that the prospects for long-term anorexics like myself isn't necessarily the brightest. But I AM going to beat this. I am going to be that person.

So watch out, Eddie. I bite back. And you taste good.