Carrie

I was talking to a terminally ill friend yesterday. We spent a lot of time talking about coping with having a life-threatening illness and how to stay "in the moment".

We both concluded that we couldn't change the past. End of. No point wishing and hoping. It was there.

As for the future, the sky might fall in but there is nothing you can do about it.

Living with cancer has taught me that I should do the things that are practical and will make a difference in the future - write a will, a letter of wishes, cancel my subscription to Readers Digest. However, trying to make too many plans and micromanage the future is a hiding to nothing. Also, worrying about whether the cancer will come back and where is rather pointless (and can lead to chronic hypochondia). I am living each day as it comes. Enjoying the moment. Not missing the opportunities. Loving myself. Because by loving myself unconditionally, I have more time and energy to give to those whom I love and who matter to me.

Hope this helps. xx

This is definitely something I relate to a lot. I barely remember a lot of my past, particularly when I was ill, because I wasn't entirely *there*. I'm still guilty of letting it happen now too - usually by being too distracted by something online to concentrate on a conversation or a sunset, things like that. The reason my own summary of the symposium is quite detailed is because I didn't have my phone or my laptop. I use both to distract me from my anxiety, and in the process I end up distracting myself from life in general. It's something I'm working on too...

But just to say I relate, far too much. And it's never too late to change - look at the marvellous June, jetting off on helicopter rides around the Grand Canyon! Now THAT sounded like an experience...

I constantly struggle with staying in the moment!! I'm always thinking about what to do next, what might happen next, what I ought to be doing instead, and on and on. It takes conscious effort for me to enjoy the moment and not think seven steps ahead like I'm playing a larger than life game of chess. But even when I do manage to focus on the here and now, I feel disconnected. I feel like things aren't quite real as if I'm watching a movie instead of participating in real life which sucks a bit of the joy out of the situation. I'm not sure why there is such a disconnect or how to improve upon it.

Mindfullness meditation has helped me so much with this. I thought once my nutrition improved I'd b more in the moment but I felt my head was head actually got busier because it had energy to function so I remained out of the moment. But mindfulness has changed this for me. I haven't perfected it yet and that's ok because I'm human ;)

Yes- I think being prone to anxiety does this- also being a control freak who is always looking to nail everything down and make it certain- it is very easy to let the "now" moments slip away and be replaced by fretting and planning. It helps to focus on something living- children, a friend, a pet- try to let everything go except the living thing in front of you- find something there to delight in and experience a few moments of "now."

Wow, Carrie.
Periodically I have wondered why I do not remember very much about my boarding school and college years and now I believe I have a better understanding of why that is, thanks to this post.
I was wrapped up in my eating disorder and very much focused on grades and what was next rather than living the moment.

Although I remember much more of my life since college, I do think that being present really only began in my thirties. Was it a brain maturation thing? Probably. Was it because I quit my ED? Probably. Was it because I started focusing on my daily living? PRobably. Now in my sixties, I can say that thanks to my daughter introducing me to Mindfulness and what it means plus my therapist teaching me to live more in the present, I am more present and less stressed. And, I am taking better care of myself. I say ditto to what Charlotte UK wrote in the final paragraph.
Spend time with friends. Take a walk without the ipod. Listen to the birds in the morning. Listen to your cat purring. Look at the beauty around you, no matter what the season. Use your camera to catch that beauty (this has been a startlingly helpful thing for me to do). Feel your cat's fur. Feel texture of fabric. Feel the warmth of your coffee cup. Be present. Breathe. Notice that heart rate going down and peace coming over you. Read Peace is Every Step or Present Moment Wonderful Moment by Thich Nhat Hanh. Not all at once. Just a reading a day.....
Love -

I have a hard time being present as well. I'm usually worrying about the future, especially the near future like if I have free time coming up with nothing to do or something to do that I'm not sure I want to (In other words, pretty much all the time). Also I tend to get even more down on myself for not being present and let it prevent me from doing things. Like I won't do things because I tell myself: "You'll just be thinking about food the whole time anyways." I don't really have a lot in my life - maybe because I always overthink things and deem everything "pointless". This probably doesn't help any of you, except maybe just know that you're not alone.

Carrie,

I am visiting your site for my Women, Food, and Feminism class. I am pleasantly surprised at what I see.

I understand this feeling whole-heartedly... it makes me tear-up thinking about how someone else (besides myself) feels this way and is able to articulate it in a way that is so relatable.

I, too, have been diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses including generalized anxiety, major depressive disorder (depression), borderline personality disorder, and PTSD. So, I know bearing the burden of trying "to stay in the moment" is hard... extremely hard for person's like us.

Thank you for your blog. I will check back soon.

xoxo RAY