Random whine

Some days, I just think that it would be nice if life only threw one or two things at me at a time. These days, I feel like my life is one never-ending game of Whack-a-Mole. During the day, I'm chasing down writing stuff. Lately, given my publishing drought, I've been working a lot in the evenings as well. I have my recovery stuff to juggle, the book stuff I really need to get working on, a crochet shrug to take with me to the AED conference this week, stuff around the house, you name it. It leaves me desperately wanting a nap!

These are times when it's hard to stay on track, not because you start valuing recovery any less, but because you're just so damn tired. I know, though, that skimping out on recovery stuff now will lead to more work in the future. Not a good thing. So you stick with it, even though you just want to nap for the next, oh I don't know, hundred or so years.

My old psychiatrist had a sign in his office that said "This too shall pass. Now would be nice."

I think of that sign in times like these. When I know that what I'm going through is likely temporary, that I'm just tired and annoyed. I know that this won't last forever and revovery will get easier and my book will get written, and written well. I just want to know the outcome now. Easier said than done, right?

Sometimes, I just think I need to whine a bit. I feel very guilty doing so, since so many people have a harder life and harder recovery than I do. So what do I have to complain about? But my life is my life, and my crap is my crap. It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.

Maybe I need to hold on to the fact that I can make it through this. Even if it doesn't always get easier, I can handle it. I know what to do. I know how to reach out for help. I know how to endure, to get stuff done, and to come out okay in the end.

Recovery, they say, is more like a marathon than a sprint. And like any endurance event, half the battle isn't physical, but rather mental.

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7 comments:

azhe'n said...

just thinking of you with care. all the feelings, the whining, the angst, the unsettled hearts, this being human... it's all okay. it's what we do with it that matters. i hope you can really feel some of the words that come back to you, Carrie. you give a lot and you make a difference. even if it was all finished in this moment who you are is enough.

hm said...

Yep- you'll get through this. You'll come out on the other side. The question is, will you come out on top or buried- I think you're making wise choices to try to stay on top of things b/c you know what can happen if you don't. Smart girl.

In the meanwhile though, whining never hurt. Although I prefer bitching and raging. Fricatives make life more pleasant and give you somewhere to put your energy. Turn the stresses of life into something so ridiculously verbally vulgar that it makes you laugh instead of feeling depressed.

You are darling and I'm happy you have a supportive team and resources. Whine/bitch/rage to the people who support you if it makes you feel better- why feel guilty? They're just words. If you shot someone's puppy in your angst, now that'd be something to wallow in guilt about. But blogging about your stress? Not shameful.

Helpful, actually, to those of us who are also struggling with the drudgery of recovery during stressful times of life. Lets us know we're not alone in feeling exhausted and so fucking sick of the excruciating boredom of the endless recovery marathon.

Briony said...

It looks like 'hm' just said everything I was going to say already! I totally agree though: you shouldn't feel guilty about 'whining'. I too really appreciate the posts where you talk about how tired you are and how things are difficult, because it makes me feel like I'm not the only one. Noone can be positive all the time- we're only human.

I really hope that it all works out soon, anyway.

Angela said...

We all need to whine sometimes! You are right about recovery being a marathon. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get to the finish line. We all just need to look at the road right in front of us, and try not to worry about the rest. Hang in there. It will all work out:)

char48 said...

I've followed your blog for a while, and I hope you don't mind me saying that everyone needs to rant once in a while - it sounds like you have so much to juggle, and recovery from anything, is such a hard place to be in - it's neverending, it doesn't seem to get easier, and the challenges never leave you alone. We're all human - and everyone needs to let off steam, don't apologise for it, especially on your own turf. You seem like such a lovely person, who cares a great deal. I hope things get a bit less stressful over the next week or so, xxchar48

p.j. said...

I think it's great that you have the confidence to have a bit of a whinge! Feeling like you can't, or that people won't like you anymore if you do is such a sticking point for me included that it's nice to hear someone else feels the same way. And the insights that you gain from the hard times...and share with us is appreciated :)

scottrecovered said...

We all deserve a good whine some time. It is healthy :)

I hope today is a greay day!

Scott

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I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.

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nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote



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