I haven't not wanted recovery in a very long time, but I think it's also important to reaffirm to myself exactly why I do want recovery.
I think better.
This is a big one for me. When I'm eating well, I think clearly. My job is very intellectually demanding, and that's one of the reasons I love it so much. But if I'm not eating right, my performance declines. That's something that is not at all cool with me. If I want to be successful in my career, then recovery is a necessity not a luxury.
It's cheaper in the long run.
Therapy is expensive, and eating disorder treatment has bankrupted many families. I won't dispute that. Vast chunks of my paychecks are going to treat my eating disorder. And yet--forking out for therapy each week is cheaper than ER visits, hospitalizations, and residential treatment. So is buying nourishing food. Sometimes, you have to spend money to save money.
I have too many good things going for me.
I think this speaks for itself. I've spent too many hours wondering whether I could have gotten a Rhodes, Marshall, or Fulbright scholarship if I hadn't gotten too sick. I am where I am in life right now, and I'm okay with that, but no more regrets.
My health sucks enough.
Well, okay, my health is actually mostly pretty decent. But my bones have definitely seen better days (and as soon as I actually get insurance, I can get another bone density scan to see how things are faring), as has my GI system. Constant doctor's appointments suck.
I want to travel.
My dream trip is to the Galapagos Islands to walk in Darwin's footsteps. I can't go--I won't drop the large chunk of change on such a trip, at any rate--if I'm being dominated by ED stuff. Striving towards a really awesome experience like this is far more rewarding than striving for anorexia.
I promised my cat I wouldn't leave her.
Yeah, it sounds dumb, but when I got back from 7 months in residential treatment, I told my cat that I wouldn't leave her again. I don't intend to break that promise. She needs a mommy, and I want to be that mommy for her. This doesn't stop her from ignoring me as she pleases, however.
What are the reasons you want recovery? Share in the comments!