Right in front of my face

Since I've moved into my new place (with tons of wall space and minimal stuff to actually hang up), I've been looking for ways to decorate on the cheap.  My brilliant idea has to do with my freelance writing and a free National Geographic world map I got with my subscription.  As part of my job, I get to call people all over the world.  I've phoned every continent thus far, and I thought it would be fun to mark off the places I've phoned with little push pins on my world map.

I went to Target, bought a bulletin board and picked up some quilting pins at the craft store.  Except there was one small problem: I couldn't find the damn map.

I knew it was in one of my magazine holders, because I remembered placing it there next to my National Geographics.  And I knew I didn't throw the map out...at least, I was hoping I didn't some how throw out the map in the move.  I don't know.  It drove me bonkers.  I ripped apart boxes and storage bins and nothing.

My map was nowhere to be found.
But yesterday I was adjusting my shoe in the bedroom when my eyes fell upon two sets of magazine holders.  On my bookshelf.  Across from my bed.  Literally at eye level.

I reached in
and plucked out
my map.

Just like that.

I was so expecting the map to be somewhere tucked away--after all, I had been looking for it for so long.  It couldn't be somewhere obvious.  It had to be in a box or a bin, buried under some useless knick knacks. 

Instead it was hidden in plain sight.

It's like this with recovery.  I look and I look for information and insights, and I can't find them.  I look for some way to make recovery easier.  And yet it's when I stop looking that I find the really important things.  Eat your meals and snacks--all of them.  Be honest with your therapist.  Vent.  I thought these revelations would be buried under layers of "issues" but they're really right there on the surface.  Yes, recovery is about more than just that, but often what we're looking for is right there in front of us.

We just need to open our eyes and take a look. 

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Abby said...

If you have any thrift shops or second hand book stores near you, a cute way to decorate is to find some lovely, cheap art books, pull out your favorite pictures and dump them in a cheap frame. No one is the wiser and you get lovely art on your walls for pennies :]

Cathy (UK) said...

Maps are awesome :)

How about a chart of the Periodic Table, or I used to have this on my bedroom wall:


I'd be interested to know how you define psychological recovery from AN Carrie?

For me, psychological recovery from AN is:

1. Absence of intrusive thoughts relating to eating, exercise, (weight) or self

2. Desire to socialise and to be part of the wider world

I pretty much feel that I have achieved these two things; but they came long after weight gain.

bookingthroughfeelings said...

Hi there! I've been reading your blog for some time and have just recently started my own ED recovery blog.

Your post truly resonated with me today, and it gave me a boost of midday motivation when I truly needed it after eating a fear-inducing lunch. You are so right when you talk about just EATING and how important and utterly crucial that is! Of course to most people, just eating sounds so easy, but it has taken me months and months, even several with the support of a therapist and nutritionist, to just EAT a normal meal and decide that I truly want to gain weight.

Granted, I only made this decision, seemingly out of no where, 2 days ago, but once you make the decision to actively recover, you've taken a huge step.

Just wanted to say hello and let you know how much I appreciated your post today. :)

- Alli

Victoria said...

This couldn't be more true!
Having just gotten out of a partial hospitalization program this week, looking back on it all really made me realize that a lot of it is just being and doing the healthy things in my life I was trying so hard to do in the first place. It's right there, all I needed to do was accept it.

Incredible Eating Anorexics said...

Thank you, needed to hear this.

hm said...

Ever feel like your subconscious likes to play malicious games w/you by piling shit in front of those obvious things that you're looking for??? I swear, I absorbed my own sadistic twin during gestation who now makes it a point to torture and confuse me regularly.

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I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.

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Have any questions or comments about this blog? Feel free to email me at carrie@edbites.com

nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote


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