thank you so much for this. I was just thinking about how hard my day had been yesterday and how no one had any idea because a big part of what had been hard was keeping it from looking hard. Its so nice to be reminded (from an outside source) that sometimes, for us, the littlest things can take tremendous amounts of energy and take days to recover from.

Yesterday my hard thing was to meet my best friends new girlfriend and be true to myself the whole time, regardless of whether I liked her or not. I did it. Successfully.

Thanks for giving me a place to brag about something that seems so small to so many, but is so huge to me.

I'm glad you're brave enough to write because I really like reading your stuff : )

For me, it feels like an act of courage to stay in graduate school. Many people have told me to quit after my recent relapse because I am working like hell to catch up after one week in IP, but I refuse to. I'm studying English Language and Literature, and writing and reading are so much a part of me, If I were to leave, anorexia would win. I would no longer be me.

Many days I don't want to get up and go to classes (it's a 45-minute drive.) Many days I want to pull the covers over my head and say the hell with it, particularly recently. Combine that with a two-hour weekly drive to my therapist in Farmington, and sometimes I do want to quit.

My second act of courage will sound really trivial - I ate a full meal today; just half a sandwich and a bowl of potato and leek soup. I was very afraid of that soup, with its cream and potatoes. But I ate it.

This is a great post and I love the idea of flailing, rather than failing!

The courage question is really interesting and I can totally emphathise with the constant struggling with things that should be "easy". My eating disorder made a lot of things feel scary, and food was only one source of fear. Not throwing up, talking to people, going out, going to work, sending emails, drinking coffee with normal milk, and a whole host of big and small things have all been scary at different times, and mostly because of the meanings and associations I have linked to them, as well as an inherent lack of confidence that I am able to even get the basic things right.

This is maybe where the failing - flailing concept comes in because what I'm really scared of is failing at any given task or always getting it wrong. It's also where it's important to do that courage thing and go through with the fear; because, more often than not, I can do things I didn't think I could!...like go on a dinner date (yesterday), or post this commment (today...

First Carrie, I understand the difficulties you describe in sometimes just getting through the day...

In terms of my "amazing act of courage": it was taking my first steps in recovery from 28 yrs of anorexia nervosa (AN) in 2005. These first steps were to change my behaviour - by eating differently. I didn't fear getting bigger because I was emaciated and I hated my thinness, but I was terrified of CHANGE - i.e. a change of routine. I had convinced myself that I couldn't survive life unless I adhered to a strict daily 'timetable' focused around food restriction, exercise (and working).

Eating more afre restricting anorexia nervosa is a huge act of courage for anyone, but I also have an ASD, which was closely linked to my anorexia. I had always struggled with rituals of some sort, changes of routine and compulsive behaviours. At the time I seriously felt that I would rather be dead than change my routine - yet I didn't want to die because my parents would be distraught.

ASD, anorexia nervosa, OCD and depression are not a good combination for coping with life. However, I'm so glad I managed to stick with recovery. Achieving a healthy weight has 'cured' my anorexia nervosa but not my ASD, OCD and tendency towards depression.

I can relate to not only your thoughts on this post, but to so much of Cathy's comment above (as I always can with her...) Although I've always looked at it as a struggle, I suppose I could also look at every day as an act of courage.

While I'm not afraid to eat in terms of getting "fat," I am afraid to change my routines with food (times, meals, etc.) and exercise. Any slight alteration sparks anxiety and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Even daily, getting out of bed and going to work, even getting in the shower, publishing posts, carrying on like I'm fine is so much work. I just want to "be", whatever that means, so I suppose every step I take away from giving into that feeling is slightly courageous.

I don't remember who said it, but I loved this quote in recovery,"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'"

Amazing post, thank you!

I love this idea, as I'm often so negative and self-critical and get stuck on my struggles instead of seeing how great a job I'm doing each and every day. My mom commented this past weekend that she knows anorexia is a somewhat chronic thing in life, but that she's so happy that I've learned to manage myself so well. I never really give myself kudos for that. I do manage pretty well. I made the choice to try medication recently because I knew my anxiety and depression wasn't going so well. I don't know what's "normal," but I'm getting better at just focusing on what's normal for ME. There are things in my daily life that are little acts of courage that may not be a big deal for someone else, but that doesn't really matter. Any time I write a blog post or have a snack or reach out to my husband... those are all acts of courage for me.
Great post, as always!

I stood up to my mother on the issues of what's attractive in terms of weight and what a healthy diet is.

I wrote a controversial blog post and read the comments from my detractors and was respectful to them.

I ate half my weight in sushi, dumplings, and beef jerky...and I didn't think anything of it.:)

I made some money doing something I never thought I'd do.

My amazing act of courage is getting up every day, going to work, having a smile on my face and a sympathetic ear for my coworkers and children, all while I'm thinking about my family's lurking financial catastrophe (my husband is unemployed and not looking for work), my daughter's lack of health insurance, and my in-laws denial of the seriousness of their health problems.

I haven't read the comments... but I REALLY appreciated this post... why? Because I think we CAN have courage while still not always being okay. I have felt rather under attack lately and its been hard... like I'm never good enough. The reality is, that I am living life and even though ed wise I"m not doing well... I think that takes courage to do. It would be a LOT easier to sit down and JUST do treatment, to let that become my way of life, but for ME (and this does NOT necessarily apply to others) that would destroy ME and the ed would win... but there are sooo many days when I just want to lay down and give up, completely... and I keep breathing and I keep dreaming... dreaming is scary because it may or may not happen but it gives me hope too. I think that all takes courage.

I liked this post because somehow just its words, gave ME some more hope at a time that I really could use some!! Thanks!! xo