...for dieting, that is.
Most of us learned about the four seasons when we were younger, about spring, summer, autumn, and winter. Considering I grew up in Michigan, there were really two seasons: winter and three months of bad sledding. Now that I'm an adult, and living south of the Mason-Dixon line, there are many more seasons than I experienced as a kid in Michigan. To everything, there is a season, and to every season, there is a reason to diet.
Winter: It's your New Year's Resolution to have a Totally New You by developing those Buns of Steel. (I'd settle for buns of cinnamon, but then, that's me.)
Spring: It's going to be Bathing Suit Season soon, and you had better fit in that Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini you wore when you were three. So it looks like a thong. So what. I hear they're popular these days!
Summer: It's Bathing Suit Season and EVERYONE IS GOING TO SEE YOUR FAT ASS IN THAT BATHING SUIT SO YOU BETTER STOP EATING, YOU FAT PIG.
Autumn: Do NOT gain weight over the holidays, and here's how (you can start by not celebrating the holidays at all).
Ta-da! The year in dieting. Winter season is the worst, and right now about all I seem to hear commercials for are end-of-the-year car sales, cigarette cessation aids, and diet products. It makes me almost pity the poor guy who's trying to hawk replacement windows so that people can get their tax credit.
Jeopardy!, the game show for grandmas and geeks like me, Jeopardy! for crap's sake, is now sponsored in part by a colon cleanser (aka, an overpriced laxative that just really dehydrates you and then you take a drink of water and bloat from here to Timbuktu. Trust me, kids, don't try this at home).
The Diet Survivor's Group blog has a list of alternate dieting headlines for magazines to use. Start with these examples and then you might just have a fun game to play in the checkout aisle at the grocery store.
The Food Lover's Diet - 31 Tiny Tricks That Peel Off Major Pounds
The Food Lover's Diet - Eat What You Love and Savor Every Bite
The Easiest Diet Ever: Drop 600 Calories A Day Without Feeling Hungry
The Easiest Diet Ever: Eat When You Are Hungry And You'll Never Feel Hungry (duh!)
How We Lost 477 Pounds Together: 6 Women Share The Diet Secrets That Worked For Them
How We Raised Our Consciousness Together : 6 Women Share Their Wisdom And Empower Each Other
Your Best Body Ever
Your Body Is The Best Body Ever
How To Get What You Really Want This Year: Weight Loss That Sticks - Dr. Oz's Simple Secrets For Keeping The Pounds Off
Keep Working Toward Getting What You Really Want This Year: Body Satisfaction That Sticks - Dr. Oz's Simple Secret Is That There Is No Secret For Keeping The Pounds Off.
Total Body Confidence - Great Abs, Butt & Legs By New Year's
My Edit: (I got kind of hopeful with the first part...)
Total Body Confidence - Enjoy Your Body In Its Fullness All Year Long
The Biggest Loser - How I Did It!
The Biggest Winner - How I Did It! Tips To Love, Respect, And Honor Yourself
Woman's World:Break Through Ohio State University BELLY FAT CURE! Discovery - Two Spoonfuls Of This Oil Will Block Fat Storage! Melt 5" Of Belly Fat - No Diet Required!
Woman's World Announces Bankruptcy As Readers Boycott Magazine Due To Outrageous Claims!
I guess this game beats hibernating...
...for dieting, that is.
- binge eating disorder
- biology of EDs
- body image
- disordered eating
- eating disorder
- Grand Theory of Eating Disorders
- narrating anorexia
- normal eating
- obesity hysteria
- weight gain
- weight loss
- Carrie Arnold
- I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.
Drop me a line!
nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote
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