Hi, I've been reading for a while, and as a psych major with 2 years of anorexia recovery under her belt I enjoy reading your posts immensely! I think the topics you share here are so relevant and really put things into perspective for all kinds of people.

I relate a great deal to what you're talking about. Sometimes I feel crazy when I hear people comparing their exercise amounts, while my treatment plan is that I do X number of days of the week. Then you have the FDA and such touting the benefits of 30 minutes per day, etc...it's very overwhelming. Anyways, thanks for sharing, I definitely understand.

Oh boy, as soon as I read the first couple lines of this post, I knew you were going to sum up how I feel a lot. I can run a LITTLE bit now, but nowhere near what I would like to do (since that got me nowhere good pretty quickly in the past) and I very, very much agree with pretty much every emotion you've expressed here. I used to be in cross country, and I can't even go to the meets anymore to support friends because of that.

I admit that despite being quite far along in my recovery, I still get anxious sentiments about how I really...don't exercise very much...or anywhere near as much as I feel I "should," or how much "everyone else is doing." It really is overwhelming how many different sources are constantly reprimanding that we "should be" getting an hour of activity in six days a week or whatnot when my idea of exercise is my day to day errands and lifting a couple of dumbbells for five minutes a few times a week.
Its especially overwhelming since I live in a county overrun by fitness and weight obsessed soccer moms who do every errand of their life in their lululemon spandex. Though I like exercising, I sometimes feel awkward engaging in it just because I'm still afraid my parents might misconstrue that as some sort of sign of upcoming relapse. Man oh man.
Sorry to ramble on, but definitely relating to your post!

I'm dreading the first of the year... the influx of "resolutions" that will hit me from status messages, blog posts, tv commercials, newspapers. It's almost like they're trying to say that if you're not dieting you're not trying hard enough. If only "they" knew!

Right now, I'm on 100% exercise restriction. Must let my body heal the stuff that's wrong, not spend its time recovering from the day-to-day. I totally get the guilt thing.

Wish I had the answers. But just wanted to let you know that I think I get this one!

Lately, I've been experimenting with what's "good enough" for me, too. I have a great amount of anxiety (and a laziness complex) about the fact that if I listen to my body, I barely exercise at all. Cardio is definitely NOT for me. This is a fact. Still, it is hard for me to come to terms with this and not have guilt about the fact that I don't really fit the "recommendations." There is so much in the blog world about exercising, touting it as health. From my perspective, it's way overdoing it...but that's just me. I think I'm starting to come to peace with that, but it's definitely not easy.

There were a couple of hours today that were definitely way above good enough!

It sounds like plenty of qualified people who know you and your health history are willing to define "enough" for you ... but maybe you don't really like the answer, so you're waiting for a better one.

"Better" being the one that feeds the endorphins and assuages the internal guilt and dialogue/monologue?

Even the media-infused recommendations of this-and-that generally end with a "check with your doctor before embarking on an exercise program." The docs have weighed in on this one for you, but it's pretty sucky when the "benefits" of your sense of good enough don't outweigh/equal the negatives.

Maybe things will balance out with time learning to sit with yourself and pedal your bike at a pace deemed sane and better than the standard "good enough" for someone whose goal isn't to undo lazy Americanism but to recover from a life-threatening, life-sucking, serious illness.

I feel your pain and wish it was easier ... maybe the "lazier" we get, the less lazy we see ourselves as comparisons to our former selves fade.

There's too much reality TV around. Gah, I hate programmes like 'What not to Wear' because I don't believe in judging a person on how they dress. I slob around in sweat pants most of the time - and in winter silly hats - because of COMFORT!

I understand what you write about exercise science and health messages. I was very sensitive to these when I first started to recover from anorexia because I was a compulsive exerciser and exercise was the biggest part of my ED. I was told I must stop to avoid another heart attack.

Having worked as a researcher in universities I have recognised that research in 'science world' is underpinned by a complex system of scoring brownie points for winning grants, publishing, disseminating research findings to the public (through mass media) and developing new theories. Journalists often pick up on stories that sound 'wacky' or like a 'breakthrough'.

One has to remember that we are all individuals - and that what suits one person's physiology often doesn't suit another's. Besides, there is no evidence that doing huge amounts of physical activity is compatible with good health. Rather, it carries with it a high risk of injury, over-training syndrome, immune suppression, CFS/ME and possible even premature death.

What's the best gauge of what is the right amount of exercise for you/me? It's how we feel. That phrase 'listen to your body' has worked for me. Following my own and others' crazy exercise rules never worked!

Whenever I see people out there exercising I feel an amazing amount of guilt and longing that I'm not out there doing it too. I'm not allowed to exercise per my treatment team and while I have mentally adapted to this it is still hard to talk ED down when I see other people out there doing it. I have to constantly remind myself that what they are doing doesn't apply to me and that I am in a different situation.

I always had to feel like I was doing the most and "win" some crazy contest that only existed in my head. What was the prize? Isolation, loss, destruction, and a waste of 13 years. Evidence of it? Osteoporosis and rebuilding a shattered life and identity at 27.

I'm on a self imposed exercise ban at the moment - I'm taking more time than strictly necessary to recover from an injury, because I don't think I would have gotten injured in the first place if my exercise habits had been healthy for me. It's kind of terrifying and freeing all that once! Like Libby said, I am dreading the influx of adverts over January about new year's resolutions, health and fitness. I don't need to be told that I am unhealthy or lazy because I am neither, but the way the media/health professions portray it, given the amount that I eat and exercise I should be two or three times my size by now :P

Personally I'm most scared of Gok Wan. No way would I get naked on television. Ack!

I totally get this. I also feel so bad that you were overexercising in DC and none of us had any idea. I hope you have a less public forum (if that helps) where you can write out and track these things...maybe it would help to catch it earlier next time? Sending lots of love and Christmas well wishes! CG

'I remain terrified of criticism, and I figured if I could just do everything "right," whether it was eating or exercise or cleaning my apartment, then no one would ever criticize me. I would finally feel good enough.'

This is how I feel about my ED... a major reason why I lost weight, I think. I felt like if I got thin enough, no one could ever, ever look at me and think I was fat. And I would prefer that to ever being able to be thought of as fat, by anybody. Fear of criticism, definitely.

Wow! I am glad that this post resonated with so many people. Well, perhaps "glad" isn't the right word because it sucks that other people have to feel that way, too, but I think you get my point.

Right now, I bike several times per week. Nothing real strenuous, and it remains super fun for me. So as long as that continues, I think I'm okay in terms of activity. I would like to take a yoga class instead of biking one day a week, but I'm going to have to look into finances and classes to see if I can swing it.

And M? Your comment about "It sounds like plenty of qualified people who know you and your health history are willing to define "enough" for you ... but maybe you don't really like the answer, so you're waiting for a better one." was totally spot on. My team has defined enough for me, and I really think I need to work on being okay with that.

i have to laugh -- it's freezing where i live and i wear about six layers of mismatched clothing just to stay warm. if anyone with a tv camera saw me........... that's it, i'm staying in forever!

i am a recovering alcohol. red wine was my drink of choice. it's the only alcohol that bothers me now (no problem when others drink beer, hard alcohol, etc, but if they're savoring red wine with a nice meal...ahhhh.) if i hear that red wine is good for the health, i really do know that it is not good for MY health.

i know exactly how you feel about being good enough. i maintain a very average weight, just so no one can ever comment that i'm one way or the other. i want to be just right. i tame my frizzy hair and wear nice make-up every day, so know one can think my hair is crazy or face looks awful.

great post. i'm really thinking now.