And the Lifetime TV crew will be arriving when?

I know I've been away from this blog for quite a few days, what with the move and all. For starters, I can let you know that everyone--including the cat!--arrived safely. But for the rest of the story? Well, gather 'round your computer screens, my little ducklings, and let Auntie Carrie tell you all a long tale, titled:

"And the Lifetime TV crew will be arriving when?"

Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived with her parents and the most adorable kitty cat in the whole world. They lived in the northern reaches of a place called Michigan, which was very very cold, and they decided to move south to Virginia, where it was warmer. So they got lots and lots of boxes and packed all of the things they had acquired while living in the frigid north. The dad of the girl also called the electric company to have the power shut off after the family moved out.

The day came to load the moving truck and the family and the movers worked like little elves. The family hadn't slept much in the past week because they had so much stuff to put in boxes. But, bit by bit, the boxes got loaded on the truck. Until the big bad guy from the electric company came to shut off the power. Apparently, the dad of the girl gave the electric company the wrong date to shut off the power and told the big bad guy from the electric company to come back the next day. But the big, bad guy from the electric company had his work order and had to shut off the power despite the fact that people were still living in the house and the moving truck was still in the driveway and the family was working like little elves. So the family got to work like little elves in the dark for a while until everything got straightened out.

The family spent their last night in frosty Michigan at their neighbors' house, and left the following morning. The girl's most gorgeous kitty cat was in her traveling tent in the backseat and proceeded to make her dismay at being held captive known to the girl for the next eight hours. Nonstop. The family purchased dry ice about 45 minutes south of their old house to put in four coolers to preserve the frozen meat the mom of the girl had carefully accumulated over the past several years. However, the dad of the girl only bought three blocks of dry ice and forgot about the fourth cooler. This wasn't a total disaster because soon it began snowing, and the family was reminded of why they were leaving the cold for the (relative) warmth of a place called Virginia.

The snow and sleet began to fall harder and harder as the family made their way along the Ohio Turnpike and then the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Soon, the girl could barely see her mom in the car in front of her or her dad in the car behind her. They didn't drive faster than 35 miles per hour for quite a long time. The girl's windshield began to freeze up, too. After several hours of trying to travel through snow and ice, the family arrived at their hotel for the night. Except the girl's dad didn't write down the address of the hotel, so the family had a very difficult time finding where they were going to stay. There was now several inches of snow on the ground, and none of the streets had been plowed. The only way the girl could get up a hill was to drop into first gear and slam the accelerator to the ground. The dad finally found the hotel and pulled into the unplowed driveway, only to get his car stuck in the deep snow. The girl tried to get up the driveway, too, and also got stuck. The mom said "Um, I don't think so" and parked in the street. The cat continued her vociferous complaining as the dad went to go check in.

After 15 minutes, the dad comes back out to the girl's car and says "Try to back up and park in the garage under the hotel." So the girl and the mom and eventually the dad park their cars in the sheletered lot and start unloading the suitcases. Then, the dad said, "Oh, we'll have to take the stairs because the power is out and they're running on a generator. The heat and the elevator aren't working, but the guy at the desk said they should be on in one hour."

The name of this hotel (which would have worked for a modern-day Nativity scene) was "America's Best Value Inn!" and the girl's dad managed to get a room for $49.99. He had a reservation at the Holiday Inn down the road, but that was $79, and he decided that he should save thirty bucks and stay at a less expensive hotel. The Holiday Inn had power, which meant they had heat and an elevator. Just sayin'.

Several hours passed, and the $49.99 room at America's Best Value Inn! still had no heat, and no hot water. So the girl and her mom put on their sweatsuits and crawled under the covers to try and warm up, but not before they encouraged the cat to pee on the dad's pillow to let their dismay be known. The cat did not comply so the girl and the mom contemplated peeing on the dad's pillow themselves to let their dismay known, but by then, the dad had fallen into a deep slumber, so the girl and the mom decided that they would just make sure that the dad knew never to be so cheap again. They were lulled to sleep by the percussion of sleet against their hotel window.

At about 5:30 am, the America's Best Value Inn! got the electricity fixed, and the room began to warm up. By 6am, the room's heat approached tropical levels, and the girl tried to fix the heater while half asleep. The kitty cat wandered around the room all night, meowing and crying. This made the girl have a dream that, for the girl's Christmas present, the mom took the kitty cat to an IVF clinic to have her impregnated with a baby bird egg. The cat then hatched the baby bird under the Christmas tree. Happy holidays, girl and family!

By the time morning arrived, the family went down to the "free deluxe continental breakfast" offered by America's Best Value Inn! which consisted of stale bagels and a toaster. America's Best Value Inn! had run out of coffee, much to the dismay of the girl who said she would go to the Starbucks across the street on the way out. The girl and the girl's mom and the girl's dad took their suitcases down to the garage under the hotel and found out they had been snowed in! The girl's dad walked up to the front desk and asked the guy if the snow plow would be coming soon. The guy told the girl's dad that the snow plow was too busy plowing the interstate, and the snow should be melting soon. He offered the girl's dad a shovel and told the dad that he could dig his cars out if he would like. So the girl's dad took the shovel and dug out the three cars. The girl was laughing too hard to help, and besides, there was only one shovel.

At 11:30am, the girl finally got her venti Americano with an extra shot, and the girl and the mom and the dad finally left America's Best Value Inn! and continued on to Virginia.

They arrived at their pretty new house with no other commotion.

The girl is now at work on a screenplay about her experiences moving from frigid Michigan to warmer Virginia, and will start her writing as soon as she can dig her way out from all the cardboard boxes.

The End!

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22 comments:

Cammy said...

Well damn, Carrie. I'm glad you finally made it safely! And I hope some cat pees on the bad electric company guy's pillow. >:(

Libby said...

Sounds like a National Lampoon movie!

Glad you made it safely. Hope you get settled in and feeling at home soon.

Peregrine said...

Hilarious! I check your blog every day, and this is one of your best posts yet--you're an incredible writer. Thank you for this, and congrats on making it safely to a warmer clime! I'm in Montreal, where it is -16 with the windchill right now. Brr.

marcella said...

Congratulations to you all for getting there at last, and don't be toooooo hard on your dad for trying to do this economically.
I hope that you all settle in in the warmer climes of Virginia. The description of the winter further north makes me thankful for our maritime climate even if it does rain most of the time.

Katie said...

Oh dear, I feel sorry for you but that was so funny! I'm glad you guys got where you were going in one piece eventually. Good luck with the unpacking!

ex ana said...

What a travel. Do you mind if I write I smile with it? (sorry for you it was not so funny ;)

Eating Alone said...

Too funny. Being from FL I have no idea what driving in snow is like and this was great! Of course being from FL if the temp drops below 60 I turn on the heater.

Angela said...

You've escaped Michigan! My turn next ... (What, didn't you like that last snowstorm that dumped 6-8 inches on us?)

Cathy said...

I'm glad you made it OK - and I hope your kitty is settling in - as well as you and your parents...

I hope you're all very happy in your new place!

Jane said...

Oh Carrie! I hope things settle down soon. I'm sure you'll bloom where you're planted (eventually).

Mad Bird said...

That was a good one! You should do more, sometime... :)

Could hotel owners charge people another night if they're snowed in? I mean, it's not their fault if they can't even leave if they wanted to. Or would it happen that people just wouldn't get a room, and they'd have to sleep in the lobby (mean hotel owners)...? Yuck.

Kim said...

Haha, glad you arrived safe and sound!

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now.is.now said...

Loved reading this!

Tiptoe said...

Glad you made it there safely. Moving always has so many Murphy's Law elements. Just think how funny this lasting memory will be in the future.

Anonymous said...

I loved this post, although I'm sorry you had to suffer through the experience. Your father reminds me a bit of my husband. Two months ago, we discovered we needed a new furnace. One month ago, I pestered said my husband to make an appointment soon. He made an appointment for two days ago, the day that our city got a foot of snow, which was followed by subzero temperatures. The installation was delayed and we spent last night without heat in half the house. Yeah, no one can predict the weather 100%, but snow and cold in December? I think that can be expected.

balancingontwofeet said...

Glad you arrived safely! Winter came ( I am in Ohio) and hit us our of the blue this week. Wasn't it still summer last week?

Brrrrr.

Good luck getting organized and unpacking!!!!

Anonymous said...

Too funny!! My family stayed at the same hotel chain (in North Dakota no less) and will hold those sweet memories for the rest of time!

Laura Collins said...

Virginia welcomes you back!!

Hysterical post - THANK YOU!

Carrie Arnold said...

Laura,

I wasn't able to tell you the funniest part, due to the need to protect the innocent (and not-so-innocent) from criminal prosecution. :)

sayhealth said...

WOW. What an adventure! Note to self: Never stay at an America's Best Value Inn!. My partner and I got stuck in a blizzard driving from Ohio to Maine last winter. We had to stop in scenic Port Jervis, NJ. We went to a Comfort Inn. Our first room smelled like must and cat pee; we guilted them into letting us switch rooms because must makes my asthma flair up. Getting away from the cat pee smell was just a bonus!

Also, for future reference, you can give cats benadryl to knock them out in the car! It's totally safe. My vet even told me it was safe for my cat who has heart issues. We gave him benadryl when we moved from Maine to Ohio, and it helped A LOT.

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I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.

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Have any questions or comments about this blog? Feel free to email me at carrie@edbites.com



nour·ish: (v); to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth; to cherish, foster, keep alive; to strengthen, build up, or promote



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