Sometimes, I don't know why I read the news anymore. I just find more and more things that just piss me off.

So today, instead of ranting and raving on a particular subject, I'm just going to discuss things that piss me off. We all need humor and levity, right?

Drumroll, please...

• Music when you're on hold. First of all, it almost universally sucks. Secondly, it's as if the company is trying to make you feel better while they suck your precious time like a Slurpee from 7-Eleven. Why can't they have a stand-up comedian on the line? Or, when they ask if you can hold, why don't we say, "You know, actually I can't hold so would you be so kind as to answer my question NOW?"

• Salespeople who ask you if you want help several times. If I answered no 30 seconds ago, I'm pretty much going to say no again. I get that they're trying to be helpful, but if I seem to be finding what I need without assistance, more assistance isn't going to be any better.

• People who don't use their turn signals. I allow exceptions for people who swerve out of the way for small animals and such, but if you're going to cut in front of me on the freeway and want me not to rear-end you out of sheer principle (you'd be at fault), then use your freaking turn signal! It's there for a reason. Jesus would use his turn signal.

• The octogenarians who try to use the self-checkout at the grocery store. I totally respect that they're able to do their own grocery shopping. But if you can't use a computer, it's probably just as easy to go have Shelly in Aisle 9 swipe your stuff for you. Trust me, it's better for everyone that way.

• People who listen to music in public places (the bus, subway, etc) with headphones on, and the volume is SO LOUD that you can sing along two seats away. And still be quieter.

• If you decide not to take Tylenol or Advil for your headache, that's fine. I respect that. But please, for Mary Merciful Mother of God, do not complain about how much it hurts. I will allow this if you are unable to take those kinds of pills for medical reasons. But if it is a conscious choice, I don't want to hear you bitch about it for the next 3 hours.

• Insurance companies.

• When people find out about my eating disorder and either a) say they would like a little anorexia too or b) ask for diet tips. Thankfully, I'm usually too flabbergasted and annoyed to slap them across their face.

• Not having your pet spayed or neutered. Also abandoning them when they get pregnant. Although this did, however, enable me to adopt my kitty, but get with the program, here.

• Psychologists who meet me, learn about my eating disorder and say, "You must be pretty angry at your mother." What- and your relationship was perfect? Tosser.

• Co-workers who tell me about their uterine fibroids within 5 minutes of first meeting me. There's a time and a place for that, but this isn't it.

• Alarm clocks.

• Reading a final document to be submitted to some higher authority and it's full of typos. It's like if Moses gave the Ten Commandments to God instead of the other way around, and there were a couple of "shalt nots" spelled wrong. I shall smite thee, Moses.

• When I accidentally put decaf in the coffee pot in the morning. I'm sure this also pisses off nearly everyone around me, too.

So that's my list. For now. I'm sure I'll have more at a later date.

Have a lovely day!