I was a biochemistry major in college. I sat through many tortuous 8am lectures, and even one Saturday morning lab. Much of it was erased through the haze of starvation and sleep deprivation, but some of it (I hope) stayed with me.

Biochemistry is the foundation of all health sciences (psychology and psychiatry seem to be unfortunate exceptions). You can learn a lot about health in a biochem lecture, provided your professor's accent isn't so strong and handwriting so messy that you begin to drool on your notes. I can tell you about enzymes Co-Q, the citric acid cycle, the aerobic and anaerobic production of ATP. There were many formulas- you get an average of 31 ATP molecules for every glucose molecule ingested. And so on.

The health industry ("thindustry") pounces on the idea of formulas as a way to measure health. Count your fat grams. No, your carbs. What about the glycemic index? Crap! Then wait, no, it's the total number of calories you consume. On top of that, you have to exercise.

So most of these companies (and the federal government) have created little charts telling you how much to eat and drink and exercise to maintain an "ideal" weight.

Now, I'm not much of a fan of our current government, and a cynic by nature, but why the hell should the government be calculating the ideal size of my butt? It makes no sense.

Digging a little deeper.

These formulas are attractive. My little OCD reptilian brain loves to count calories. It latches onto those numbers, stashes them away in a little cerebral filing cabinet where the information can be retrieved upon Ed's request. The thing is, our bodies do not work on math alone. Magazines tell you that if you eat this many calories, run this many miles, do this many crunches and leg lifts, then you will look like this model/celebrity by Memorial Day. I'm assuming, of course, you purchase the issue at least 24 hours before Memorial Day begins. It makes no sense. First of all, I will NEVER look like the person in the picture because I'm probably too short. Secondly, I'm not that person. I don't want to look like a celebrity, and I certainly don't want to be one. I hide at the mall when I see someone I know because it's usually a hassle to talk and explain what I've been doing in the past 6 months ("Oh the psych unit is great...you really should visit. It's so rejuvenating!").

I could get up on my soapbox at this point and do the bra-burning feminist chant of I am so much more than my body, but I won't. I know it's true. That was never the issue.

But formulas. They don't make sense. Your body doesn't burn calories at an equal rate every single day. The same person of the same height and weight will not burn the same calories at the same workout. Formulas give us the illusion that if we can just get things to add up, then we can have whatever someone else has. The whole grass is greener on the other side of the fence deal. Life is messy. Formulas are nice and neat.

Health isn't nice and neat. Health is a little of this, a little of that, some play time, some sleep, some creativity, some love, some annoyance, and so on. A healthy life for me isn't going to be the same as for someone else. I like to go hiking. My mom doesn't like any activity without a flush toilet within 5 minutes walking distance. My cat doesn't like any activity that involves moving. Yet we're all reasonably healthy. There's no magic number or formula.