The Anorexic's Alphabet

A is for aspartame, the only sweet allowed.
B is for broccoli, the ultimate safe food.
C is for calorie, which you always count.
D is for diet, that you're always on.
E is for elliptical machine, your BFF.
F is for fat, something you always feel.
G is for garbage, where your food usually ends up.
H is for happy, a feeling you can't remember.
I is for identity, what the eating disorder is.
J is for jealousy, that other women seem to feel.
K is for potassium, always low.
L is for losing weight, your favorite activity.
M is for mother, the cause of anorexia.
N is for nobody, who can penetrate your mindset.
O is for obsession, consuming your every second.
P is for perfection, as you accept nothing less.
Q is for quarter-pound, either too much or too little.
R is for recovery, that seems so far off.
S is for sleep, which perpetually eludes you.
T is for therapy, where your money goes.
U is for U-turn, that everyone hope's you'll make.
V is for vigilance, exercise this or you'll get fat.
W is for weight, of which you can never lose enough.
X is for X chromosome, and it is assumed you have two.
Y is for yourself, someone you no longer know.
Z is for zero, the size you strive to be.

(Sorry for the bit of a downer, but it fits my mood right now. I'm not sure how tongue-in-cheek it's meant to be.)

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samsi77 said...

A is for authentic. B is for bully as in ED. C is for some needed cognitive re-structuring. D for dialectic. E for expressiveness. F represents fatigue for the ongoing fight. G for the short term goals to be set. H as a reminder to stay here and now. I .... Am off to sleep! You are stronger then you believe and you have a lot of people at your side armed with golden forks so time to poke away at ED!

Just Eat It! said...

Scary how true it is. You managed to paint a perfect picture of my life a year ago.

Kim said...

Wow. That's all I have to say.

The Thrifty Book Nerd said...

Your list is very powerful and shows the inner working of anorexic. It took strength and courage to write it.

Carrie Arnold said...

It wasn't meant to show exactly where my head was at NOW (or at least where my head is usually at), but more to illustrate as succinctly as possible what life is like with anorexia.

Maybe I'll do a recovery alphabet book later today...

lostgirl said...

sigh... sadly that sounds like my current existence. That, and nothing more.

I wish you well.

Anonymous said...

i am sort of new to your blog - i have been reading but not commenting ...

this post really rang true for me - i am sort of new to recovery and have recently been sliding backwards much quicker than i eve thought possible ... and it is amazing how consumed life can get with ED.

thanks for writing this ... and good luck on your journey!

mary said...

GO Samis77!

Carrie, how about A is for a better life Awaiting you, B is for the Broccoli with C, the cheese and creativity, D,E is for Eat,F, G, H for Honor yourself and Humor, I, J, K, L, and M is for manipulate your thoughts to a better place, N, O by Outsmarting the ED as we know you can, P is for your rotten Potatoes at farm town very good with broccoli and cheese if not rotten, Q ,R, S is for Stop giving more of your time and energy to ED thoughts as it's not worthy, T, U, V, W is a Win, X, Y for You, Z.

Anonymous said...

Some of the stuff in your alphabet is spot on and it's also interesting to hear what would be included in the alphabet of other people. :)

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I'm a science writer, a jewelry design artist, a bookworm, a complete geek, and mom to a wonderful kitty. I am also recovering from a decade-plus battle with anorexia nervosa. I believe that complete recovery is possible, and that the first step along that path is full nutrition.

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