My friend Kathleen MacDonald shared this on Facebook earlier today, and she graciously gave me permission to share it on my blog. I hope you enjoy.


‎"So how did you turn things around?" is one of the most common questions I get about my recovery-process. I wish there was an easy/short answer...but there isn't. (don't worry --this won't be one of my lonnnnnnnnnnnngggggg-winded status to detail the answer) ~ There were several key components to my final recovery process that led to me becoming recovered...here are a few:

a. I got serious about nutrition and I stopped making me the "exception" to needing to eat
b. I got serious about gaining body fat
c. I learned to be comfortable feeling uncomfortable and I didn't fall back into the disease every time my body image felt like hell or my guts distended/I felt pregnant
d. I got serious about the fact that every purge could be my last
e. I got serious about the fact that it wasn't safe to exercise (I ended up taking nearly 2 years off from exercise --which was really hard to do) when I was under-nourished and under-hydrated
f. I realized that I needed to 'over-nourish' my body in an effort to replenish and repair all the damage done (even if my bloodwork was 'normal')
g. I kept Kitty Westin and Ron & Sally Crist George in my heart/prayers ever day 
h. I put God in the center of my recovery-process (along with nutrition)
i. I did not listen to the doctors who told me that I had to give up gluten and dairy b/c I had "intolerances" -- of COURSE I had intolerances to those foods...I had intolerance to most foods b/c my body was so screwed up from all the years of 'dieting'
j. "suicide is not an option" became my mantra -- no matter what, suicide is never the answer
k. I disconnected myself from unhealthy relationships
l. Recovering became my number one focus --above school, fun, relationships, etc... First Job = recovering
m. I dared to dream that RECOVERED existed and I sought after it with all my heart (it exists, trust me!)
n. I put the emotional stuff on hold until my brain was better healed - (and guess what --after my brain was healed and I was thinking clearly for the first time in 16 years, I realized that the emotional stuff that had caused me so much pain and trauma...it wasn't as bad as my ED brain had convinced me...and I was able to heal from it vs. sink into deep despair)
o. I got rid of life-expectations that I had for myself (ie: I must have my Ph.D. by the time I'm 30)...and I just focused on recovering...and I trusted that Ph.D programs would still be available when I was recovered ;-)
p. I stopped trying to help others and I learned to 100% focus on me
q. Gretz, the Super Setter --enough said.
r. I learned to forgive myself
s. I ate thru the pain
t. I stopped purging
u. I stopped believing that I was ugly
v. I stopped believing that my body is less-than-beautiful when I am healthy
w. I stopped thinking that cellulite is ugly
x. I got rid of my scale
y. I healed my body image issues thru nutrition, 'sitting with it', and thru learning to see myself and everyone else thru the eyes of God --which means that I see every single human being as beautiful.
z. I never gave up on the enigmatic power of Hope.

Dear Faceless Person Giving Nutrition Advice on the Internet,

First off, don't. No really, don't. I don't care if you have an "RD" after your name. Why? Because you have to make a lot of assumptions about your audience that renders your advice damn near useless.

Telling people what they should eat is a lot like medical advice (in fact, it pretty much IS medical advice), and no doctor with more than just a smidgen of brains would assume to tell you what to do about that cough. It could be a virus. It could be bacteria. It could be asthma. It could be lung cancer. We don't know. And because the doctor doesn't want to be sued, he or she covers his or her bases and we get articles on how to tell the difference between the cold and the flu, neither of which need antibiotics.

This is not the case when I read about nutrition online. I generally try to ignore reading about nutrition online largely because it's a) bad, b) inaccurate, or c) both. However, sometimes I will see a link saying something like "great snack ideas!" and think that the article contains something like "great snack ideas!" However, I should know better, because any article about nutrition on the internet written by you, FPGNAotI, will contain ideas for losing weight. Except at Maudsley Parents and FEAST.

So this article about great snack ideas told me that I should have snacks containing no more than X calories. I laughed. Because the amount of calories would be like an appetizer for my snacks.

FPGNAotI, when you say that snacks should only be X calories, you are kind of assuming that your readers are basically fat and lazy and trying to lose weight. Some of your readers may very well be fat and lazy and trying to lose weight. But some of your readers may really just be sick of eating the same trail mix every day and want to mix things up a bit. They might not be trying to lose weight. They might be physically active and in need of food that is both tasty and filling.

Even saying things like "eat less fat" or "eat more leafy greens" runs into dangerous grounds. If your diet doesn't contain enough fat, your period stops and your bones become bubble wrap and will pop sooner rather than later. And too many leafy greens can leave you bereft of valuable vitamins and nutrients. How do you know I'm eating too much fat? Or not enough leafy greens?

Nutrition is pretty individualized, and nutrition advice should be, too. Telling an unknown group of people how to eat is a dangerous job, requiring numerous dubious assumptions about what your audience eats, what their lifestyles are, and what you think is best for someone you don't know and never will.

Because you know what happens when you assume things, FPGNAotI. You make an ASS out of U and ME. But mostly you.

Holidays are not the easiest time for people with eating disorders (and really, people in general). Some not-so-helpful people have published tips on how to survive the season, and I am looking at some of the less than shining gems here.

From HealthDay: "For the Obese, Holiday Tables Serve Platefuls of Doubt"

The premise of this "advise" is initially sound: for people whose weight doesn't fall within the normal range (of either societal or familial norms), eating occasions are typically fodder for the peanut gallery. But instead of telling you to follow your hunger/fullness signals the best you can and snappy/polite comebacks for some of the more vocal peanuts, it has these "tips."

• Indulge in the inner spirit of the holidays, not the eating. Focus on spending time with friends and family.
• When faced with food temptation, use portion control. If it's a holiday meal and you eat a bit more than normal, it won't harm your weight loss effort as long as you get back on track the next day.
• If you're doing the party circuit, spend time socializing, not eating. Put something on your plate and use it as a prop.
• Make a resolution to find out what you really hunger for in life and what you're looking for that you can't find in food.

The sheer number of incorrect assumptions is atrocious. Using food as a prop? How about shoving that piece of pie into the face of the person who tells you not to eat it? (Just kidding. Kind of.)

The worst assumption, however, is that the problem is with YOU and not your judgemental family. You can do anything you'd like, and if people are going to judge, they're going to judge. That is also their problems and not yours.

The other advice was for eating disorders specifically: "Holiday Help for those with Eating Disorders."

Some of the advice is sound (find things to talk about besides food), but some of it is about one step from pandering to the eating disorder. Sorry, if someone shows up to a holiday gathering and isn't eating, damn skippy you should say something! Maybe not right then, but it essentially tells the eating disordered person that their behavior is semi-acceptable. Home should be safe- safe from the eating disorder.

Of course, how close you are to the person with the ED is going to make a difference as to how you approach it. But the eating disorder must be addressed if the person is going to have a chance at a happy, healthy life. Hopefully the sufferer and his/her caregivers will be doing so, but don't feel bad if you have to be the one to put your proverbial foot down and stop overlooking a serious mental illness.

Oh, and my respect for Craig Johnson totally tanked with this comment: "In many cases, eating disorders are linked to issues of control or abuse, Johnson says." He's doing research on the genetics of eating disorders. I had hoped he would know better. Sigh.

Being able to enjoy the food and the company will come with recovery, but sometimes you'll have to white knuckle through more than a few uncomfortable situations.

Happy holidays, everyone!

I still feel guilty about all of the needless suffering my parents went through in the 6.5 years between my diagnosis and the start of effective treatment. I do know it wasn't my fault- I'm getting a teensy bit better at that.

But a diagnosis of an eating disorder in a child is often confusing and (when you start reading) kind of depressing. Don't get me wrong- an eating disorder is a life threatening illness. But there is also hope, and that's what we all need to cling to as the world gets tipped upside down and shaken like a snow globe.

Laura Collins says it best (from her forum Around the Dinner Table). It's what I wish someone would have told MY parents when I was first diagnosed:

It is not her fault. She is not choosing to do this, to feel this way, to think the way she is. It is a disease - a brain disorder.

It is not your fault. You did not cause it and probably could not have predicted it (unless you were an eating disorder specialist). It was a genetic predisposition that got set off by something (probably malnutrition or energy imbalance due to exercise).

It is fully treatable. With quick and assertive intervention, full nutrition, a lot of emotional and practical support, and time (many months) your daughter can not only recover her health she can be protected from eating disorder in future.

You will get a wide variety of clinical advice. Much of it will be mutually-exclusive. Some of it will be absolutely wrong. The world of eating disorder treatment is undergoing a massive change and that means you have to seek and secure the best care possible. Do not depend on clinicians to tell you what other clinicians offer.

The best evidence for effective treatment of adolescents living at home is "Family-Based" or "Maudsley" treatment. It is not widely available. Some old-school clinicians even advise against it. Research this approach, as others have said, and make up your own mind. It is worth travelling further to get the right treatment for your family than staying close to home and getting inadequate care.

You will be okay. Your daughter and your family can beat this. Do not believe anyone who tells you this is hopeless or that you should sit back and wait or watch - they are wrong.

I don't know why I'm still astounded at all of the mis-information on eating disorders out there, but I am.

This fascinating tidbit comes from an advice column in the New York Daily News:

Recovering from eating disorders a lifelong challenge.

At first I cringed a bit because this seemed like just another you-will-always-be-sick sturm und drang article. To some extent, it is true: for chronic, adult sufferers, the stats aren't necessarily something to put a spring in your step.

On the other hand, stats aren't everything.

The two guys writing this column (one of them with a "Dr." before his name, which means precisely what, I don't know) were discussing the causes of anorexia and how hard it was to recover. Only they managed to perpetuate almost every myth about eating disorders out there.

Like the following:

Dr. Dave: Anorexia is also often accompanied by loss of menstruation and shrinking of breasts. This makes girls feel "small" and "young" again --
Bill: -- and allows them to put off dealing with the excitement and fear of their emergent sexuality a bit longer?
Dr. Dave: It is also a way they can control something in a world they see as beyond their control.

I have always felt my world was out of control, that I was out of control. And once the anorexia began, I thought my food and eating was out of control. I was eating too much, or the wrong things, or not exercising enough. The eating disorder was a desperate attempt to control them, and control the anxiety that they caused. The perfectionism was a desperate attempt to control everything else.

I was trying to control fear, not food.

And fear of emergent sexuality? Why, hello, Dr. Freud, nice to meet you.

Secondly, and the irony in this is just beyond classic, they quote a doctor with a weight loss guide for girls about the necessity of gaining weight during puberty. Like she should talk!

Bill: With National Eating Disorders Awareness Week upon us (Feb. 21-March 1), I’ve been wondering why anorexia and bulimia occur so much more often among women -- especially young girls. So I called a friend of mine, Dr. Susan Bartell, author of "Dr. Susan's Girls-Only Weight Loss Guide," who said that one reason is that women's bodies change so much during puberty. Many fashion-conscious girls reject the changes as "fat."...
Dr. Dave: ...But I have many adult female patients, too, who crave the emotions and physiology of starvation. Did Dr. Bartell go into how the brain reacts to self-starvation by releasing a compensatory chemical called opiods?
Bill: They’re the cause of the high, she says, to which people with eating disorders become addicted. My answer to that was, yes but with the great emphasis we put on feminine beauty, how can her patients become addicted to looking three days dead?
You know, Dave, in my experience, women are much more sensible than men when it comes to good looks. Sure they like a handsome man, but that’s where the female calculus merely begins. They also ask themselves if he is grown-up, reliable and true, manly without being a jerk about it, generous-natured and capable of love.
Dr. Dave: You were asking her, since women are so sensible about the value of good looks in men, why couldn’t they be just as sensible about their own?
Bill: Dr. Bartell said the very mark of eating disorders is the distortion that occurs when the addict looks in the mirror. "They TRULY see themselves as fat," she says, "even when they're skin and bones."

I know there are 12-step groups for eating disorders, like EDA (Eating Disorders Anonymous) and OA (Overeaters Anonymous), but TDDA (Three Days Dead Anonymous)? That sounds more for people with necrophilia than anorexia.

I'm just glad that before the article was over, Dr. Dave went to such heroic efforts to distinguish between anorexia and bulimia.

Dr. Dave: We usually lump both anorexia and bulimia under the one catchall title -- eating disorders. But anorexics go for stimulants which cause weight loss: cocaine, black market Ritalin, etc. Bulimics tend to abuse alcohol, street drugs and laxatives.

That sure clears things up, Dr. Dave. I'm sure they'll add that to the DSM.

So I just have one request for journalists and other well-meaning people who intend to write about eating disorders: learn about them first. Because inaccuracy is the last thing we need.

Now I'm, uh, going to go find a TDDA meeting.

I was horrified to find this little article on the newsfeed on the side of this blog. It's about an "Uncle Karl" from the fashion industry giving out weight loss tips. Written by "Stavros" on the website Australian website Frillr, it showed how to shape up for the upcoming beach season. The article was short, but it really was so offensive and disgusting in three short paragraphs that it really didn't need to be any longer.