That's really, really awesome.

GOOD POINT!!!!!

AWESOME POST.

I'd ad...

ED says he'll keep you thin.
FRiends - interacting with them does not put you at risk of getting fat. They have zero effect on your weight. So what's the fear?

ED says you'll feel good if you do these pretty boring, tedious things (think about calories too much, think about what you'll do for exercise to much).
FRIENDS make you feel good without boring you and making your world small :)

A MUCH NEEDED POST FOR ME. THANK YOU.

L., don't get upset when you read this, but I got a hilarious mental image of you with a butcher knife, going in for a good '80s movie kill. (=

Glad y'all are having some fun.

Carrie, this was really fun to read. I'm glad you are having this realization. I'm guessing it might pop up time and time again as you continue to put yourself out there. I still struggle sometimes with choosing to be with friends because of my fears and anxieties around food in social settings, but every time I choose the friends I think, "dang, I'm glad i did! This is SO much better." I loved this post. Glad you're starting to get yourself back.

*big hugs* I'm so glad I got to see you this week!! Safe travels for you and your family. And... I promise I'll never try to kill you!

@Amy - you totally got me to spit breakfast all over the computer screen, laughing! I'm trying to picture myself all Fatal Attraction... not quite working. :)

I'm so glad to read this. Regaining friendships is a wonderful and HELPFUL part of recovery.

So true. I used to isolate myself so much. I was depressed and having to pretend to be happy was exhausting and not socializing usually meant saving calories (and money). Not healthy! Life is actually meant to be lived!!

This is a great post--really inspiring. I can really relate because I pushed away people and friends for the longest time, largely because the anxiety of possibly having to eat when I went out with people was too overwhelming.

It's great that you have a great friend like L to support you!

www.synecdocheblog.blogspot.com/

I think it takes so long to realize that friends are better than the ED because the ED does everything in its power to get you NOT to realize that. It's like once we see that we can have a full, enjoyable life with people, anorexia is made obsolete.

It's true. Friends kick ED's ass every time :)

"I'm not sure why it took me so long to realize this . . . "

the important thing, at least in my eyes, is that you DID realize it. You still have a whole life of building and nurturing relationships ahead of you.

I wish that blogs had the thumbs up indicating that "I like this" post that Facebook has, in the meantime, I wanted to write a BIG THUMBS UP as I really like this post!

Truly lovely :)

So, I'm reading a week's worth of your posts together Carrie, and I have a meta-question for you (you're shocked, I know).

Juxtaposing the piece on the neurobiology of ED sufferers being more change-avoidant with this insight inspired the following train of thought:
- Interpersonal relationships, while generally the fine wine of life, are also messy and require a lot of adapting on the fly.
- On the one hand, complex social interactions are early in the primate phylogenetic tree, so humans as a species are good at them.
- OTOH, complex social interactions may be particularly challenging for those individuals who have elevated inherent anxiety levels.
- As many have expressed, keeping one's interactions with the world routine was soothing.
- Soooo, would it be fair to posit that social isolation can be as much a primary symptom of underlying anxiety issues as it is a byproduct of the ED symptoms?

I love this post. I seem to come to this realization often, but have still not able to break the cycle. Congrats on your success!

IrishUp,

To answer your question "is social isolation can be as much a primary symptom of underlying anxiety issues as it is a byproduct of the ED symptoms?" I would have to say it's both.

I have always found friendships difficult. I always had at least a friend or two, but social interactions were never my strong point, even long before the AN ever showed up. I have social anxiety (not diagnosable, but enough that the prospects of small talk sound as much fun as a do-it-yourself root canal), and I also hyper-interpret what everyone must be saying/thinking. In the other sufferers I've talked to, this seems to be a common enough thread that I would place it in the "predispositions" category. Most people with AN like routine, they tend to be more introverted than the average person (not all, but introversion appears more common in AN sufferers than in the general population), and they tend to have the same hyper-alertness to others' feelings. All of these things makes meeting new people and developing friendships really freaking hard.

But ED also drains you of energy, and the Keys' study found that the starving men had much lower interests in socialization during the starvation phase than during the control phase. Most of the hormones that help facilitate interaction with the outside world are ultimately derived from fat and cholesterol. This is partly why sex drive tanks when you reduce your fat intake, and it also helps explain why social interaction in general takes a hit. Starving people tend not to get the same biochemical positive feedback with social interaction.

These meta-questions are good. One day, we're going to have to sit in an espresso bar and have such profound discussions.

I love this! Friends ARE better than ED!