tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post2250571121887818894..comments2024-03-23T08:25:22.526-04:00Comments on ED Bites: Then vs. NowCarrie Arnoldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02569839838912988783noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-86269326234011501302012-04-09T20:26:19.946-04:002012-04-09T20:26:19.946-04:00I think this is really important to remember, but ...I think this is really important to remember, but all to easy to forget! When we remember the positive light our eating disorders portray themselves in, we can not be sucked back into them as easily. <br /><br />Thanks so much for sharing :)<br /><br />ScottAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-84649853868953754502012-04-02T14:42:00.958-04:002012-04-02T14:42:00.958-04:00Great post! I've been thinking about this late...Great post! I've been thinking about this lately. I'm just started believing I might be really recovered this time. And it feels different to the "fake recovery" periods in between relapses. OK, I feel a tiny bit wistful when I remember the anchor anorexia provided me with for 12 long horrible years. But only a tiny bit. I think it's necessary to acknowledge the positive, comforting, immediate gratification of an eating disorder in balance with the bad. When I was in treatment, they would only let me acknowledge the negatives and perils and that alienated me. I needed them to offer me something better than the ED and it felt at the time that they were trying to make me give up the only positive thing in my (half) life. To be disgustingly honest, I think I can only move on now because I know I took my ED to the extreme and stayed there at rock bottom long enough to own the experience. Pathetic but true :(<br /><br />I remember reading in the Golden Cage by Hilda Bruch, I paraphrase but she says something along the lines of: An anorexic can never be considered past the risk of relapse until they have admitted to the horrors of being anorexic and voiced their inability to ever go back to that. <br /><br />PS. Love this blog, Carrie. I used to read it to be triggered while telling myself I was reading it to further my recovery. Now I read it much less often but always recommend it.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12941613636154715271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-19403885199328353892012-03-27T21:44:29.645-04:002012-03-27T21:44:29.645-04:00I often say it's like the way we recall an old...I often say it's like the way we recall an old boyfriend/relationship. We speak of it in loving, warm terms, as if all was wonderful, later coming to our senses to recall that it sucked, that we were miserable, that he make me feel like crap... Oh, how quickly we forget. Yes, talk about distorted recall!HikerRDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15170145903147301280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-55010539378936051912012-03-27T07:03:46.928-04:002012-03-27T07:03:46.928-04:00I would have to say, this made more sense to me th...I would have to say, this made more sense to me than anything I've read all week. The ED never made me feel happy…. the ED put the power in my hand to have control… and that satisfied me, that control of my emotions and my day made me feel as though I had everything together, that I may be "happy". But the more I push into recovery and look back to reflect on where I came from, the more I see the utter disparity it left me in… and those days that I am itching to kick back into old habits, I, too, remember that the quick-fix may cause a long-term downward spiral. And I don't want to be back there. I love your honesty and ability to let your gut and intuition speak untamed and vulnerable.C-Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09092376059461299715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-73824491187397839332012-03-27T05:50:18.577-04:002012-03-27T05:50:18.577-04:00So very true. It is funny how the mind will play t...So very true. It is funny how the mind will play tricks on us and I do agree that we tend to remember edited versions of our disorders/addictions. At least this was also true for me and my battle with anorexia. Great thoughts.Brittniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17051522140661900464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-1730005253235341492012-03-26T17:31:22.429-04:002012-03-26T17:31:22.429-04:00I think it's a bit like an addiction, where it...I think it's a bit like an addiction, where its gone so far you don't any longer enjoy the high/drink/etc. <br />It's not that the not-eating feels good, it's more that it feels better than facing the fearful alternative. <br />(The act of eating can feel like a high killer, bringing up a lot of bad feelings, and the addict's guilt that comes after those bad feelings.) Hence the horrible repeating of the cycle.Viviankikinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-12956703587520395992012-03-26T15:58:24.252-04:002012-03-26T15:58:24.252-04:00your passion *for kickingyour passion *for kickingAshleighnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-33733788949752180992012-03-26T15:56:58.759-04:002012-03-26T15:56:58.759-04:00Wow, wow, wow. That truly touched me. I felt as if...Wow, wow, wow. That truly touched me. I felt as if you were re-telling my experience of anorexia down to a tee. Thank you for your blog, your thoughts and your passion kicking ed's butt!Ashleighnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-14460040207605105052012-03-26T10:32:32.839-04:002012-03-26T10:32:32.839-04:00I really do miss the "numbness" that cam...I really do miss the "numbness" that came with my eating disorder. I did not care about anything else, but food and exercise. I was cold, miserable, mean and lonely, but I didn't have to feel the anxiety that is always in my head. I also felt strong, that sense of control was amazing. Now further into my recovery I find that I have to be stronger now more than ever. I have to live with anxiety and worry. I have to fight with my OCD and ED on a daily basis. I know this is sick, but knowing I can go back to ED is somewhat comforting. I know ED is always there if I need it. <br />I know that I look back when I was my sickest and just remember not feeling the anxiety. I do have to consistently remind myself of the bad things ED brought too. If not it is too easy to slip back into old ways.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6561748834204284315.post-38705648989894885732012-03-26T10:27:33.892-04:002012-03-26T10:27:33.892-04:00I needed to read all of this today. Thank you for...I needed to read all of this today. Thank you for the honesty (both to the reader who comments and to you for your follow up). It's a great reminder.HungryMachttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15297178234125128540noreply@blogger.com